Favorite Panel Friday goes through a phase

Sometimes it's hard to pick a favorite panel from the weekly stack of comics: This time, it was almost impossible to pick a favorite out of the single issue that is Astonishing X-Men #16.

When I was just a little pastelito, I was a hard-core X-Men fan. Then, like a lot of people, I grew up. The melodrama, the impossibly convoluted plots and the constant hammering of Claremontisms became too much until finally, with a "feh!", I stopped reading any title that started with "X."

For the most part, I've never regretted it. But when Joss Whedon started writing a new Astonishing, I was in. And month after month, along with the outstanding art of John Cassaday and the perfect coloring of Laura Martin, he reminds me of what I used to love about the X-Men. It's funny, it's heartfelt and it's action-packed. Whedon is a great writer with a talent for dialogue. Even better, he understands what makes these characters great, and you can tell he cares about them as much as we do. He's updated them without ruining them, making changes feel organic instead of like a gimmick.

And you can tell that Whedon - like the rest of us - always had a crush on Kitty.

Astonishing X-Men #16: Writer, Joss Whedon; Artist, John Cassaday; Colorist, Laura Martin

Weird science

Normally, I'm right there with Science. We've been buds for a long time, and that gravity thing? Fantastic.

But saying Pluto isn't a planet? I don't care what you say, Science - Pluto will always be a planet in my mind. I know you've got some things to work out, and trying to get everyone to agree on what is and isn't a planet must be tough. But c'mon - this is Pluto we're talking about. He's been a planet since he was discovered in 1930, spinning along the outer reaches of our imaginations for as long as most people have been alive. Pluto is OUR planet (so to speak).

So it crosses orbits with Neptune; so what? What has Neptune done for us lately? At least Uranus gives us a cheap laugh.

So you tell Pluto, out there on his long, lonely circuit through space, looking back at us with puppy-dog eyes, you tell him he's not a planet anymore. Because I'm not gonna do it.


Back on the homefront, we've got bigger problems. Problems about the size of a VW bug.

Giant nests perplex experts

By Garry Mitchell Associated Press MOBILE -- To the bafflement of insect experts, gigantic yellow jacket nests have started turning up in old barns, unoccupied houses, cars and underground cavities across the southern two-thirds of Alabama. Specialists say it could be the result of a mild winter and drought conditions, or multiple queens forcing worker yellow jackets to enlarge their quarters so the queens will be in separate areas. But experts haven't determined exactly what's behind the surprisingly large nests.

I'll tell you what it is - Step 1. Step 2 involves work camps and humans building giant hives. You don't even want to know about Step 3.

Auburn University entomologists, who say they've never seen the nests so large, have been fielding calls about the huge nests from property owners from Dothan up to Sylacauga and over into west-central Alabama's Black Belt. At one site in Barbour County, the nest was as large as a Volkswagen Beetle, said Andy McLean, an Orkin pesticide service manager in Dothan who helped remove it from an abandoned barn about a month ago.
...

Entomologist Dr. Charles Ray at the Alabama Cooperative Extension System in Auburn said he's aware of about 16 of what he described as "super-sized" nests in south Alabama. Ray said he's seen 10 of them and cautioned people about going near them because of the yellow jacket's painful sting.

Ladies and gentlemen - your "no-shit" quote of the week.

Bride of Favorite Panel Friday

I love Fell. I love everything about it; it's consistently some of Warren Ellis' best writing, and Ben Templesmith has one of the most unique and distinctive illustrative styles in comics today. I like that every compact issue is a self-contained story, but is also another chapter in a vaguely creepy, overarching storyline.

Fell, will you marry me? You and Lopez! can work out the schedule.

OK, let's put this in perspective: Ellis has written some of my favorite books, like The Authority, Transmetropolitan and, most recently, Desolation Jones. He is, as the kids say, the shit (do the kids still say that?).

And Templesmith combines traditional drawing and painting styles with Adobe-fueled technology to create work that looks simplistic at first but drips depth and atmosphere. He practically reinvented vampires with 30 Days of Night, and his current Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse should already be on your pull list.

All this is a long-winded way of saying the panel from Fell #6 above is a nice example of snappy dialogue and moody scene-setting, a combination of casual patter and building tension in a book that manages to be crime-noir, horror and love-letter to the fictional Snowtown all at once. With this panel, you're rooting for Rich Fell, in every sense.

Special bonus! Hey, the first issue of Fell is available – for free, you deadbeats – online. Check it out, why don'cha?

And man, what's with that Nixon-nun?!?

Fell #6: Writer, Warren Ellis; Art, Ben Templesmith

Con safo

Since I grew up and lived most of my adult life in El Paso, I like to consider myself an expert on graffiti. Gang tags, spray-paint murals and bathroom scrawls - I've seen it all. According to authorities, graffiti is on the rise in Austin, which is a shame and a blemish I hope we can get a handle on before it becomes something beyond control.

But, if you're going to do it, for Christ's sake do it right. When Lopez! and I went to dinner earlier today I made a side-trip to the bathroom, and as I washed my hands I noticed someone had written on the frame of the mirror:

EAT MORE CARROTS!

And then they drew one, with flowing, flowery stems sprouting from the top.

That's just wrong.

Favorite Panel Friday, the Destroyer

And THAT'S why, when Conan tells you he's joining your caravan, you don't try to shake him down for money.

Here's a handy rule-of-thumb to remember: Conan doesn't negotiate. He's Conan! He doesn't have time for your coy wordplay. He barely has time to kick your free-range melon out of the way.

Speaking of wordplay, I've been enjoying Joe R. Lansdale's scripting on Conan and the Songs of the Dead, a five-part mini-series which carries on the regular title's love of beheadings with this lopping from issue #2. I especially like the shot of humor he's given Conan (even if the dialogue sounds a little too much like something out of a Hap and Leonard scene sometimes), and it's always nice to see Lansdale's words coming out of art drawn by Timothy Truman. Remember how creepy their Jonah Hex stories were? Throw a battle ax and some people speaking "medieval" in there, and you've got an idea of what's going on in Songs of the Dead.

Oh, and don't forget - Conan was captain of the debate team for a reason.

Conan and the Songs of the Dead #2: Writer, Joe R. Lansdale; Art, Timothy Truman

Refried Beans

Aaaahh! That was a refreshing naparini! So, what time is it any … what?!? Damn you, snooze button! Damn you to heeeellllll!!!

Yeah, sorry about that. You know that feeling you have after you’ve taken a vacation, even a short one, where you kinda say to yourself, “Eh … I’ll get to it later.” Multiply that by a bajillion and that’s about where we’ve been.

We know you'd love for us to drop highly detailed stories about the trip on you, but I’m sure we’ll bring it up here and there so, to paraphrase Inigo Montoya, let me sum up.

In Germany, the people are friendly and helpful, and there’s a lot of beauty to enjoy in the countryside and in the cities. “Relaxing” wasn’t a word I would’ve associated with Germany, but it felt very comfortable there. We were in Frankfurt when Germany won its semifinal game, and we got to see the empty streets and squares (they were inside watching the match!) fill up with hundreds of people and honking cars.

Paris: Listen up, "people who hate Paris because it’s stinky and the people are rude" – sack up. Seriously, the people we ran into (and believe me, we asked people on the street for help on a regular basis) were unfailingly kind and generous with their time. I think people mistake a big-city attitude – meaning they’re busy people in a busy city and don’t have time to kiss your ass – for rudeness. Lopez! and I decided we could live here like happy little clamatos. We did all the touristy stuff, which was a lot of fun, and included the Eiffel Tower (amazing and impressive), the Mona Lisa (made Mom cry) and Notre Dame (magnificent). Oh, and almost everyone walks around eating baguettes.

Brussels: OK, you know all those things they say about Parisians? Well, they’re wrong – it’s the fucking Belgians. Hands-down the rudest people we ran into, the worst of whom was a man who totally blew off Lopez! when she tried to ask him a question. He wouldn’t even make eye contact, and just sort of shook his head and kept walking. Prick! I thought Lopez! was going to crawl up his ass and keep going ‘til she came out his mouth. Oh, and there was one waiter who refused to serve Lopez! soup. If you know Lopez!, you know this is a bad idea. If you ask her about it she’ll still go off on the guy (we’ll tell the whole story in another post). We did see the EU headquarters and the Manneken Pis, and the Atomium kicks ass.

Amsterdam: Everything you’ve heard about it is true. It’s beautiful, it’s very “international” and generally relaxed and groovy. We went to the Rembrandt and the Van Gogh museums, and you can see why these guys are giants. Also, it made "De Nachtwacht" my favorite painting because you ain't seen a painting until someone turns it into a multimedia extravaganza. Amsterdam was another place where we could see ourselves living. They even have outdoor, public urinals, which is so weird it’s awesome. I mean, OUT. SIDE. You could see guys taking a whiz. Craziness! We didn’t get to see the Red Light District (stop groaning), but we did have the best barbecue I’ve ever tasted. Bar none. Even better than anything I’ve had here in Texas. Even crazier craziness!

Berlin: It’s interesting how a city with so much history could be missing so much of that history. Since most of Berlin was destroyed in World War II you see a lot of buildings that were erected between the 50s and 70s, and it shows. It feels a lot more like the Cold War Berlin of your mind than the Nazi Germany Berlin that you might automatically imagine. We saw what was left of the Wall, and our tour guide (a real person) would point out things like the square where the Nazis had their book burnings and lamp posts that were from the Reich era. Sad and a little chilling. But lucky for us, we had the World Cup to help us shake it off. We didn’t have tickets to an actual game, but we went to the “Fan Zone” that had been set up and stood outside for hours watching crappy pre-game bands and jostling with other soccer fans. President Clinton showed up to tell us it sucked that we didn’t have tickets, but that he hoped we enjoyed the game anyway. People went nuts – you would’ve thought he was a rock star. And in a way, he is … sniff. Oh, and the apartment we rented was great, so yay again for Melanie!


Throw in a lot of running around on train platforms and wrestling matches with airline counter people and that’s our trip in a nutshell.

Alright, time for a nap.

And now, a brief intermission

For the next couple of weeks Lopez! and I will be on vacation, so the blog will most likely be pretty static for the duration. We will be checking e-mail when we can, and maybe there'll be an incoherent post if we find ourselves in a bubble of down-time. But yeah, probably not.


In the meantime, hold down the fort, keep up the good work, and we'll be back with a plethora of pictures and anecdotes for you in a couple of weeks.

Favorite Panel Friday is now in session

You may have noticed (or not) that there isn't a panel from any of this week's comics. It wasn't for a lack of good stuff, because there was a bunch. Oh, no, this week's Favorite Panel was called on account ... OF JUSTICE!!

I had a good run, but finally got caught and ended up serving on a jury of my peers. It was pretty quick and everything was finished within the day, but it meant no access to a scanner. No scanner equals no panel. Today, we're only uploading THE LAW!

Here it is in a nutshell: She was speeding. It was pretty obvious she didn't have a case (soooo busted). Guilties all around, maximum fine, and no plumbers had to go to jail. If it had been up to us on the jury, the sentence would have been even tougher.

Oh, and on the way home I saw a couple of grackles mating on the lawn of an office building on Sixth Street. Dirty birdies. I told Lopez! it was like watching 9 1/2 Weeks and From Here to Eternity, but with feathers.

No joy in Mudville

Ghana 2:1 U.S.A.

And the U.S. is out of the World Cup. Sigh.

Ah, well.

Me-xi-co! Me-xi-co!!

More to love

If this is the case, I must be one sexy mofo.


Man Flab, It’s Fab

It’s Tubby Time! Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Leave Buff Bodies to Neutered Narcissists: Mattress-Top Torsos Hot on Beach This Summer

By Sara Vilkomerson

One by one, from Hollywood to the Hamptons, men have liberated themselves from the flat-stomached emo-boy reign of terror. Over the weekend in Westchester, U.S. Open enthusiasts cheered for Phil Mickelson, the golf crowd’s non–Tiger Woods favorite, whose previous winning record coincided with a softly expanding waist line and what one observer near the 18th hole described as “a sweet pair of man boobs.”

By the way, this is the kind of led feature writers live for.

Favorite Panel Friday: The Heretic

Whew! Just made it!

I know a lot of the talk this week has been about a certain unveiling on the Marvel side of the street, but for me it was mostly kind of ... eh. Seriously, half his enemies already knew his identity.

This panel from Green Lantern Corps #1 was the one that grabbed me. It's a classic superhero scene, and the Green Lanterns have always been a favorite of mine. Top it off with the fact that I'm really developing a soft spot for Soranik on the left there (sorry, Hawkgirl, but I hate what Howard Chaykin's doing to you) and this one's a winner. Bonus: The guy on the right is like a GL from Planet of the Apes! If you're going to read a superhero comic, THIS is what it should look like when you open it up.

Sorry, Spidey.

Green Lantern Corps #1: Writer, Dave Gibbons; Art, Patrick Gleason and Prentis Rollins

Temperamental

Have you ever just been overwhelmed? Have you ever felt as if you're being hit with wave after wave, to the point you're not sure if you're still treading water or starting to slip under? To make it worse, you don’t know if it matters, even to you.

It's certainly the way I've been feeling the past few weeks. Not in terms of my personal life or my professional life, but in terms of anger. Righteous indignation. Sheer frustration. These are things that are usually in easy reach, ready to lash out like a temper tantrum-throwing three-year-old.

But not lately. And it isn’t a matter of not caring about the world out there. Things are bad and seem to be getting worse lately, so it’s not as if there isn't plenty to be angry about - which might be the problem. There might be too much. Is this what all the talking-heads are yammering about when they start saying "burn-out?"

The concept has always been bothersome, because it implies that the average American citizen is too tired, too complacent or too ignorant to care. Adding insult to injury, the usually right-wing pundits start squealing and yelping, acting as if it would be a disservice for the media to inform the public, to actually do their job. The media's job isn't to tell the public what it wants to know, it's job is to tell the public what it needs to know.

And the outlets are there. If someone's favorite news source isn't telling them the whole story, it's that person's responsibility to look somewhere else. Nobody said doing something worthwhile, even if it's just keeping yourself from being an ignorant hillbilly with a cell phone, was easy.

A sampling of recent headlines that induced head-shaking:


Troops reducing illegal border crossings

By Olga R. Rodriguez, Associated Press Writer

SAN LUIS RIO COLORADO, Mexico - The arrival of U.S. National Guard troops in Arizona has scared off illegal Mexican migrants along the border, significantly reducing crossings, according to U.S. and Mexican officials.

(Psst! Our primos are just going to cross somewhere else ... and it's hot during the summer)


Study: Polar bears may turn to cannibalism

By Dan Joling, Associated Press Writer

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - Polar bears in the southern Beaufort Sea may be turning to cannibalism because longer seasons without ice keep them from getting to their natural food, a new study by American and Canadian scientists has found.

(Hmm ... now there's an inconvenient truth)


Labs compete to make new nuclear bomb

LOS ANGELES - The Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory in the San Francisco Bay area and the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico are competing to design the nation's first new nuclear bomb in two decades.

Scientists at both facilities are working around the clock on plans that will be presented to the Nuclear Weapons Council, a federal panel that oversees the nation's nuclear weapons. The council will choose a winner later this year.

(Why don't they turn it into a reality show? That way they can torture us before they kill us - they've already got the practice)


Rove won't be charged in CIA leak case

By John Solomon, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - Top White House aide Karl Rove has been told by prosecutors he won't be charged with any crimes in the investigation into the leak of a CIA officer's identity, his lawyer said Tuesday, lifting a heavy burden from one of President Bush's most trusted advisers.

(But he ... they can't ... no ... words ...)


In a bold move, Bush drops in on Iraq PM

By Terence Hunt, AP White House Correspondent

BAGHDAD, Iraq - President Bush reviewed next steps in the troubled three-year old Iraq war on Tuesday in a surprise visit to Baghdad and a meeting with newly named Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. The dramatic move came as Bush sought to bolster support for Iraq's fledgling government and U.S. war policy at home.

(The dogs and ponies had to stay on the plane)


Hey, what d'ya know - there's my favorite three-year-old.

Making it look easy

I meant to post about this last week, but it's still a question worth asking:

How much does Melanie rock? This much!


Thanks to her help, we were able to book a room in Berlin's city center during the World Cup finals. Just thinking about it makes me loopy.

Can we get an "OH YEAH!" for Melanie?

Son of Favorite Panel Friday

And this is only one panel out of a whole issue filled with weirdness.

This little nugget of joy from The Exterminators #6 is a pretty good example of why the title has become one of my favorites. It's a comic that seems to get more comfortable with itself every month, and I like that it self-assuredly takes its time spinning out a whacky storyline while dropping itchy little clues in the middle of what has been, from start to finish, one over-the-top scene after another. It's pure sci-fi/horror fun with a sense of humor.

Oh, and ruthless corporate lesbians.

The Exterminators #6: Writer, Simon Oliver; Penciller, Tony Moore

Run to the hills

Since today is Satan's birthday, I thought I'd share a little story about how I came to love heavy metal.

When I was in seventh grade I moved to a new school, which I hated with all the ferocity I could squeeze out of my cherubic body. Hate, hate, hate! I think about it now and I still hate that school. Damn you, Mustangs! Damn you to hell!!

Surprisingly, I didn't have any friends. What's worse, there were even a couple of jerk-offs who decided I'd be fun to play Spanish Inquisition with. Imagine an oversized pair of glasses and an ever-present green windbreaker, and you can almost see why. Then a weirdo named Junior finally took pity on me.

Junior was a grade ahead of me, and was the first freak I ever met. Sort of a cross between a New Waver and a punk, he was as much an outcast as I was, only by choice. The concept alone was a revelation. So, after letting me hang out with him and his gang of misfits for the next couple of days I ended up going to his house after school for the first time.

The house was only about five blocks from mine, but was practically in a different neighborhood. In El Paso it's easy to see the evidence of past waves of development, and my house was across the boundary line between old and new neighborhoods. Junior's house had a big, overgrown yard, trees that hung over the roof, and smaller rooms connected by crooked hallways. In my memory, it was always dusk in that house.

Once we got there, the first thing Junior tells me is his brother has this record that I've got to hear - backwards. He's going on about Satanic messages and backward masking and bam! he shoves the cover of Iron Maiden's Number of the Beast in my face.

I'd never seen a cover like that in my life. My dad was an old-school rock guy for the most part, all 60s and 70s, and my mom had most recently been deep into John Denver and Olivia Newton-John. The most shocking thing I'd seen up to then was a Jethro Tull cover I pulled from Dad's collection (we won't get into the Herb Alpert cover). Jesus, was that the devil? And what the hell is that thing standing over him? I was already getting nervous.

We tried playing the record backward, and didn't hear shit. We tried it a few more times to make sure, and then one of us remembered that this was supposed to be bad for the needle. Just to make sure it was alright, Junior said, we'd play a song off the record.

Junior twisted the knob and a voice starts saying something about woe and then "Number of the Beast" came buzz-sawing out of the speakers. Junior, who was standing in the corner with the stereo, starts lip-synching to the song, acting it out and getting crazy-eyed.

I laughed it off, but he didn't stop. And he kept getting closer. And crazier. And then he's standing on the couch I'm sitting on, hunched over me with his face inches from mine, mouthing, "Six! Six-six! The number of the beast!" And I've only known this guy for a few days, and there isn't anyone else in the house, and ...

I don't remember what I said, but I do remember jumping the hell off that couch so fast that Junior couldn't keep it up anymore, collapsing back onto the couch and laughing his ass off.

Then we listened to the whole album, and for the next few years the only decoration in my bedroom was posters of Eddie. I stopped cutting my hair, dedicated myself to being an outsider and for all intents and purposes was a normal teen-age kid.

Thanks, Satan!

Favorite Panel Friday: The Quickening

Something occured to me the other day: Anybody reading this might think that since this regular feature highlights my favorite panel of the week, it must come from my favorite book of the week.

Er ... not necessarily.

Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't. If you go by past entries, I can see how someone would figure me for a spandex-fan. And I am. But I read a lot of indie and small press stuff, too. The problem is that, for the most part, those types of comics don't really have the panels that give you geekbumps. I've read some comics recently that were great from start to finish, things that are way up on my "gotta read this" list, but while they're solid on all levels, that doesn't mean they have any one panel that jumps out at you. That's just the nature of most "indies."

And now I'm going to totally contradict everything I just said.

Local # 5 is the latest issue in a series that gets better and better with each go 'round. Part day-in-the-life, part travelogue, the slow-motion storytelling of Local is heartbreaking and hopeful, broken and powerful, often all at the same time. If you haven't been reading it, go out and get the back issues while you still can.

In this panel, Megan is being confronted by a woman whose young son was hit on by Beth, an employee at the local movie theater. The mother doesn't know it, but Megan is Beth. And at the moment, she's calling herself Alex. Throughout the story, she'll use a handful of different names, without any explanation or obvious reason.

Things have happened to Megan, and it's had an effect on her.

And I love that you can see it all right there on her face.

Local #5: Writer, Brian Wood; Artist, Ryan Kelly

T-minus seven days …

Or is it eight days? Does today count? Whatever – the World Cup starts June 9!

Blah, blah, I know you don’t care about soccer. But you need to shut your facehole and give it a chance. I make fun of it to, y’know. 2-0 means it was a high-scoring game. Half the players have Fabio-hair. I know all this.

It’s still a lot of fun, though. Have you ever watched a soccer game with other soccer fans? You’d think Pele was serving the nachos.

And it’s got to be better than what we Americans get worked up over. Football? A bunch of heavily padded dudes stand in a line, then run into each other while someone throws a ball. This takes about three seconds, then the players stand around for a half-hour patting each on the butt.

You want to throw baseball at me? Fine. I know it’s “America’s pastime,” and I’m up for a game if it’s 10-cent hotdog night and the Famous Chicken is there. Other than that … booooring!

Whoa – sorry to get all 12-year-old on you there. It’s just that baseball is really, really dull. It’s what golf would be if there was someone out on the green with a catchers’ mitt and an itchy crotch. There’s no drama. Have you ever noticed how relaxed baseball fans look out in the stands? It’s because they know. They know that this, this right here, is as intense as it’s going to get. They’re just hoping a foul ball knocks someone out in the stands. It’s the perfect sport for heart patients. Or insomniacs.

Basketball is equally boring, but for different reasons. Imagine a group of kids with two trash cans, and they’ve put one trash can at either end of the driveway. Now imagine they’re running back and forth with a tennis ball, and they’re putting the ball in the trash cans over and over and over. Sometimes they throw it, just to make it interesting, but mostly they get right up to it and slam the ball in, all dramatic-like. They do this until the score is 352-354. Oh, and their shoes squeak.

This is basketball.

Soccer – non-stop action. There aren’t any time-outs. If a player is thrown out of the game, well, tough shit ‘cause you don’t get to replace him. And it doesn’t take 3 hours to finish a game. Start to finish, you’re done in 90 minutes. Even if there is an overtime, it’s relatively brief. And after that it goes to a shootout! And if for some reason there still isn’t a winner, SUDDEN DEATH!

Lopez! and I were dragging ourselves to a local Irish pub at five in the morning to watch games during the last World Cup, and we even got to see the US-Mexico game (we’d been wondering where all the Mexicans in Austin had been hiding). And this year we’ve got a chance to see a World Cup game in person, so we’re even more excited than usual.

I know it’s not just us. Every Tuesday night, I drive home and see a group of guys playing soccer in the parking lot of a nearby restaurant. I think they’re restaurant employees blowing off steam after closing time, but even after working a shift they play fast-paced and aggressively. There they are, 11 o’clock at night, playing soccer in a parking lot and using their car’s headlamps for lighting. Sometimes they play in the dark.

And that is the spirit of soccer.

Favorite Panel Friday Strikes Back

So true, so true ...

Everyone knows Dr. Strange is a master of the mystic arts, but did you know he's also a master of the mackin' arts? Aaah, yeeeeaaah! In this panel from X-Statix Presents: Dead Girl #5, the final issue in the limited series, ol' Stevie lays it on for Dead Girl in what ended up being a truly enjoyable little series. I'd even say this has been my favorite version of Dr. Strange.

And really, why wouldn't it be?

Dead Girl #5: Writer, Peter Milligan; Artists, Nick Dragotta and Mike Allred; Colors, Laura Allred

The lowdown ...

And stay off my lawn!

While me and Lopez! were being rung up at the barbecue place where we had dinner last night, I noticed the total was $19.87. Being a master of observation I said, "I was a junior in high school in 1987."

Lopez! thought about it and said, "I was 16."

And then the girl behind the counter said, "I was one year old!"

Argh! And then she followed up with this: "But you guys don't look that old."

Damn kids.

Favorite Panel Friday - The Return

That's right! Because you're not supposed to know unless Batman wants you to know.

And he doesn't.

Let's get a little background (slightly spoilery):

In Batman: Year 100 #4 (Paul Pope, writer/artist; Jose Villarrubia, colorist), Batman has just pounded the crap out of a bad guy/government agent who, in an earlier issue, tried using his telepathy to get Bats to 'fess up with the secret identity. I mean, he made Batman's nose bleed and everything. Now, beaten and passing out from knock-out gas, the agent manages to ask one last time, "Wh--Who are ... you ...?"

The panel is Batman's answer. And it's perfect.

"Goddamn Batman" my ass.


"Favorite Pan ... what ?

The Friendship State

Seriously, we've got to move out of this state. I think the only thing keeping us here is the fact we live on a progressive little island surrounded by a sea of people who apparently can't agree that lynchings might deserve an apology.

WACO, Texas - A resolution denouncing lynchings in the 1800s and early 1900s was rejected Tuesday by county commissioners, while the City Council agreed to try to draft a document both bodies can accept.

McLennan County commissioners decided against adopting a community group's measure apologizing for the lynchings by a 4-to-1 vote, but then said they would work on a resolution all could accept.

In a separate meeting Tuesday, the Waco City Council agreed to meet in June to draft its own resolution. Members said they hoped to work with county commissioners to draft an acceptable document.

Both bodies had been urged by the Community Race Relations Coalition to apologize for the "failure of past leadership to uphold and defend lynching victims' most basic rights to life, liberty, and due process." Of the more than 4,700 lynchings nationwide during the 1800s and early 1900s, about 500 were in Texas.

What, exactly, is objectionable about that? The story keeps referencing how the county commissioners and city council are hoping to develop an "acceptable document," but I, for one, would like to know what's unacceptable about the resolution. How hard is it to say, "Lynchings are wrong. We're sorry anyone had to suffer that kind of treatment, and we're sorry anyone had to deal with the lingering pain a crime like this leaves on the survivors. Together, we can move forward."

I don't think anyone is shouting from the gallery, "You! You commissioners and council members, admit to your sins, you bastards!" And I don't think every past misdeed should necessarily get an official apology (though I do think they foster goodwill and serve to acknowledge histories people are usually too willing to sweep aside). But these lynchings aren't ancient history. They're barely not-so-ancient history.

There are people alive today who remember lynchings very well - they didn't end in the early 1900s. There are still people who can tell you what it was to live in fear for their lives, and people who can tell you how they knotted the ropes themselves. And, maybe more importantly, the children and grandchildren of those people are still around, each with their own personal family histories. What stories do they remember? What have they learned?

If they live in Waco, they've learned that nothing much has changed.

Favorite Panel Friday

Here's a new feature that hopefully won't fall by the wayside (Shut up. I might still pick up that other one. Maybe).

Every Friday I'll pick the one panel - out of the stack of new comics I read every week - that for one reason or another gave me the most fanboy joy.

This week was a close call: It was almost a panel from the outstanding Cthulhu Tales, but Fantastic Four: First Family #3 pulled it out with this classic depiction of Mr. Fantastic doing what he does best - going "boing." And look at that Mole Monster! That, my friends, is some understated hilarity in an already chock-fulla-fun panel.


By the way, this panel was slightly modified to minimize the panel originally jutting into it. Seriously, it was distracting as a mutha. Oh, and the art is by Chris Weston, with inks by Gary Erskine, in a comic written by Joe Casey.

"Ugg."

Normally, I don't like to just link to someone else's post, but I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

OK, some background: I've never heard of Helena Keeffe, but according to her Web site she "creates art projects that serve as catalysts for social engagement." In this case it means she held a little contest asking people to go to Imagination Island and pretend President Bush has had a change of heart. A HUGE change of heart, basically realizing things aren't going so great for a lot of people, and he knows some of that is his fault so he's going to do something about it.

What would that speech sound like?

Some elementary school students had some ideas, and they are by turns bittersweet, peeved and downright hi-larious. Keeffe got a Bush impersonator to read the speeches, and it's a little scary how easy it is to see these words coming from the president.

My personal favorite is the one by Zoe Baker - surreal and pissy in one short clip, you can imagine Bush having a breakdown right at the podium. I've already listened to it five times.

Future shock

During a completely uninteresting conversation with someone, I realized it's 2006, FIVE YEARS after 2001.

Wait, you don't get it - five years after "2001."

Where's my monolith? Where's my automated tooth-brusher? Where the hell's my flying car?!?

At least give me a murderous computer - I mean, C'MON!

Geek check

How geeky can one guy get? How's this grab ya?

That's right - this is a handmade d20 necklace. I picked the die and a friend of mine (who works at the comic shop I used to work at) made it for me. I'm pretty sure that makes her geekier than me, but it might be a toss-up.

And, God help me, I plan to wear the hell out of that thing.

Lisa's also making neato, non-nerdy earrings and who-knows-what-else, so if you're in the market for this kind of stuff, pay her a visit.

I'd sell you my shame, but apparently I don't have any left.

Pack your bags, Part II

I said Mexico won't be safe unless Lopez Obrador wins the presidency in the July elections. Otherwise you'll have a bunch of yes-men agreeing to everything Bush decides, including WWIII.


At this point I'm thinking Argentina.

P.S. For more on Mr. Hersh, check out this link.

Pack your bags

When news of President Bush's so-called plans for Iran broke this weekend (which can be summed up as "hit it until it works"), the first thing Lopez! told me was, "That's it. If that happens, we have to move. I mean, out of the country. And we can't go to Mexico anymore, because I don't think even Mexico will be safe."

I'm not as sure as Lopez! that Mexico will become a new part of the growing battleground, but I am sure of this: If you, like the president, believe that attacking Iran, that using nuclear weapons in the Middle East, is a viable option, you're as insulated and out of touch as Bush.

I'm not an alarmist. But if this were to happen and Bush was to begin any kind of pre-emptive strike against Iran, it would be World War III. Iran isn't Afghanistan; it's not even Iraq. And remember, we haven't "won" in either one of those places. So instead of using every diplomatic option at his disposal, instead of working himself to exhaustion to find a peaceful resolution, the president wants to hit a strong and organized nation which, quite frankly, just needs the excuse to tear into the United States. But never mind that. Never mind that U.S. forces are already stretched incredibly thin. And never mind the fact that more and more U.S. citizens have shown a growing distaste for war.

No, let's wave our flags and satisfy the righteous bloodlust of a single, apparently increasingly deranged, man. The will of the people was hijacked six years ago, and this is the reward for a disinterested citzenry.

To paraphrase an old hippie catchphrase; if you're not scared out of your mind, you're not paying attention.

Bush critics alarmed over reports of possible strike on Iran

WASHINGTON (AFP) - Critics of the George W. Bush administration expressed alarm about explosive new reports that the president is mulling military options to knock out Iran's nuclear program.

Retired General Anthony Zinni, the former head of US Central Command, told US television Sunday that he had no detailed knowledge of the alleged military plans, but he suggested a preemptive strike against Iran's nuclear program would be extremely risky.

"Any military plan involving Iran is going to be very difficult. We should not fool ourselves to think it will just be a strike and then it will be over," said Zinni.

"The Iranians will retaliate, and they have many possibilities in an area where there are many vulnerabilities, from our troop positions to the oil and gas in the region that can be interrupted, to attacks on Israel, to the conduct of terrorism," he said.

Zinni made his remarks after the publication of a pair of reports this weekend saying that the administration is seriously considering military action against Iran, amid a stalemate in diplomatic efforts.

The New Yorker magazine reported in its April 17 issue that the administration is planning a massive bombing campaign against Iran, including use of bunker-buster nuclear bombs to destroy a key suspected Iranian nuclear weapons facility.

...

(The New Yorker’s Seymour) Hersh told CNN's "Late Edition" show that a "messianic" president feels driven to try to contain Iran and that the White House is determined to keep open a nuclear option against strong objections from some top Pentagon officials.

...

Hersh told CNN however, that the White House has spurned Tehran's overtures for dialogue.

"This president is not talking to the Iranians. They are trying very hard to make contact, I can assure you of that, in many different forms," he said.

"He's not talking. And there's no public pressure on the White House to start bilateral talks. And that's what amazes everybody," he said.

Go read the full story. Then, if you don't want the president to make the same mistake a third time while once again saying he's doing it on your behalf, tell somebody about it. Get mad, and be noisy about it. Because in this case, silence is the same as approval. And that's what this administration is counting on.

A present for twins

Finally!

Please, please! Check out this link!
Oh, and if his phone was not bugged ... it is now.

=[ ] grr

But can we keep Guantanamo?

Acknowledging the fact that its human rights reputation has taken a beating lately - you know, secret prisons, rumors of torture, spying on its citizens - the United States has taken steps toward regaining the world's trust by opposing the United Nations' new Human Rights Council.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me, either.


U.S. Will Pass on Rights Council, for Now

By Nick Wadhams, Associated Press

UNITED NATIONS - The United States has decided not to seek a seat on the new U.N. Human Rights Council for now, preferring instead to see how it takes shape, a U.S. official said Thursday.

"We're going to take a wait and see attitude," the U.S. official said, speaking from Washington on condition of anonymity because the announcement was not expected to be made public until later in the day.

The United States was virtually alone in voting against the council when the U.N. General Assembly approved its creation last month. U.S. officials claimed not enough was done to prevent abusive countries from becoming members.

I can't really argue with that; after all, they invited us to join.

Good to know ...

Brazil's World Cup secret -- plenty of sex
AFP
March 30, 2006

LONDON (AFP) - Brazil coach Carlos Alberto Parreira wants his team to play with a smile on their faces at this year's World Cup -- so has ruled out imposing a sex ban.

While Parreira's predecessor Luis Felipe Scolari ran a famously strict regime during the 2002 finals, a more relaxed mood will prevail in Germany -- and that includes as much sex as his players want.

"I don't think that sex one day before the game will have any harm on the player. Just sex, no problem," Parreira told Maxim magazine.

"The problem is, they don't eat, they don't sleep, they smoke and they drink. That is the problem. Sex? No, sex is always very good -- always welcome."

Parreira also gave an insight into the methods his team uses to maintain spirit during tournaments.

Ronaldinho is a keen player of the samba drums -- and the world champions will be packing their instruments once again when they head to Germany.

"Psychologists say it is very important in the dressing room and coming from the hotel to the stadium that you do something with your hands, with your mouth," Parreira said.

"If you just sit there worrying? Clutching your hands? That does not help. If you play something it helps relax. That is why we give them the drums and things.

"Since 1970 we have done this. We buy instruments for them, and they play on the bus -- instead of saying, 'Oh my God, we are going to play Germany or England in a World Cup game.' That does not help."

Parreira also said there was no chance that Brazil would play more conservatively in Germany.

"We have to give a good impression and keep our style. We don't have to change that because we are going to play a World Cup."

"We have to defend, as well, otherwise we go nowhere. But we can't deny our roots -- we play a happy game."

-In other news:

Mexico 2, Paraguay 1
AP - Mar 29, 11:24 pm EST

CHICAGO (AP) -- Omar Bravo scored twice to lead Mexico to a 2-1 win over Paraguay in a World Cup tuneup match Wednesday night at Soldier Field.

Tip of the iceberg

By the way, 500,000 marching in Los Angeles? Beautiful and powerful and meaningful - everything people should be. Often I'm frustrated, but sometimes I'm damn proud.

But please keep in mind, especially you folks in the media:

Immigrant does not equal Latino or Hispanic

Latino or Hispanic does not equal Mexican

Latino or Hispanic certainly does not equal "illegal"

Pride in heritage does not equal disloyalty to nation, especially in a nation built on immigration

Photo: AFP

The future president of the United States

And suddenly the Bush Twins look like brain surgeons.

Serenity NOW! X)

Overexposure

Me and Lopez! don't write about everything we do (it just seems that way), so we're launching a little something that hopefully will be a regular feature. During the week we'll take pictures of what we've been up to, and at the end of seven days we'll post them here - if you want an explanation of what the hell is going on in any particular photo, let us know in the comments.

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Trouble on Paradise Island

You know what's wrong with Hollywood? You know what's wrong with the current crop of "actors/singers/celebrity A-holes" that are seemingly armed with everything but talent? I'll tell you what the problem is:

Lohan the one for “Wonder Woman”?

Although no talks have even begun, Lindsay Lohan thinks playing the role of Wonder Woman in the upcoming feature would be “cool.”

By Mark Umbach, FilmStew.com

Everybody is wondering which woman will be Wonder Woman. If it were up to starlet Lindsay Lohan, she says she’d take the pilot’s seat in the invisible jet in a heartbeat.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” vet Joss Whedon is currently developing a feature film based on the comic book superheroine for Warner Bros. Pictures. While Lohan admits that she’s currently looking for roles outside her current milieu of teen and kiddie films, she thinks playing Diana Prince would be too cool.

“Wonder Woman would be cool. I’m trying to find roles right now that are different to anything I’ve done to show my abilities, to show that I have some sort of stretch in me. Because most of the things that I’ve done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted,” she recently told OK! magazine.

Oh, hell no! No, no, no! I can't even begin to describe all the ways this is a bad idea. The only thing that keeps me from wrapping a mylar bag around my head is the fact Joss Whedon has been pretty clear that he wants someone statuesque, a warrior-woman, a goddamn AMAZON! That is not Lohan. Hey, while we're at it, why don't we cast Clay Aiken as Batman?

You just know there's some jerk somewhere who's actually considering this. I imagine a boardroom full of execs muttering "Synergy, synergy, crossover" while flapping copies of "Teen People" at each other.

There are certain things you need to make a character come alive. Look, it's simple:

Right














Wrong










Yes!























Great Hera, no!!

That's Jefe to you ...

According to an article in the Austin-American Statesman, the number of Hispanic-owned business has grown 25 percent in Central Texas, reflecting a state and nationwide trend. Specifically:

... almost 3,000 Hispanic-owned businesses launched from 1997 to 2002 in Central Texas, according to new data from the U.S. Census Bureau.

Texas is home to almost one in five Hispanic-owned companies in the United States. The state ranks second behind California in the number of Hispanic-owned businesses.

Such companies in Central Texas had $2.2 billion in sales in 2002, the Census Bureau estimated, a 53 percent increase from five years earlier after adjusting for inflation.

Nationwide, the number of Hispanic-owned businesses grew 31 percent — three times the national average for all businesses. In Texas, it rose 33 percent, and in Central Texas it increased 25 percent.

The Census Bureau report "certainly indicates that the Hispanic population is not only growing, but becoming an integrated part of the economic community. They're business owners as well as employees," said Steve Murdock, the state demographer who works at the Institute for Demographic and Socioeconomic Research at the University of Texas at San Antonio.

In Texas, about 18.4 percent of businesses are owned by Hispanics, Murdock said. That is more than twice the national average of about 7 percent, according to the Census Bureau.

It reflects not only rapid population growth but also the older, established Hispanic community that has been part of the Texas economy for centuries, Murdock said.

Nationally, the Census Bureau said the number of Hispanic-owned businesses grew from about 1.2 million to 1.6 million from 1997 to 2002.

That's right, bitches - we're gonna OWN your ass! Where'd you think all the chips and salsa you eat comes from, anyway? You'd better get fitted for your sombreros now, you crazy gringos.

Collateral damage

In the ugliness of war, particularly when it is as tortured and misshapen as what we've created in Iraq, it can be easy to forget that much of that ugliness is born and fostered and fed on a very personal level.

The AP recently ran a profile on a man whose son was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq; about a year afterward, the man himself was in Iraq, manning a machine gun just as his son had before he was killed. The man had already been planning to join the National Guard with an eye toward going to the Middle East, but now he was armed with grief and hatred.

What is sad, and scary, and even somewhat sickening, is how the tragic and wasteful death of this man's son seemed to only reinforce ignorant and uninformed ideas that are echoed repeatedly by the Bush Administration. The man is overcoming his need for revenge, but he hasn't even begun to grapple with his need for an enemy, a bogeyman that is equal parts bigotry and misdirected fear.

The article begins with this:

Father Loses Taste for Revenge in Iraq

By Charels J. Hanley, AP Special Correspondent

AL-ASAD, Iraq - In the desert chill, on the lonely nighttime roads of
Iraq, Joe Johnson looks out over his machine gun and thinks of Justin. It was on Easter morning 2004 that a chaplain and a colonel appeared on Joe and Jan Johnson's Georgia doorstep with the news. Justin, the boy Joe had fished and hunted with, the soldier son who'd gone off to Iraq a month earlier, was suddenly dead at 22, killed by a roadside bomb planted in a Baghdad slum.

Today it's Joe who mans the M-240 atop a Humvee, warily watching the sides of the road, an unlikely Army corporal at 48, a father who came here for revenge, a Christian missionary on a crusade against Islam, and a man who, after six months at war, is ready to go home.

...

Why did he do it? The wiry lean Georgian, an easy-talking man with a boyish, sunburned face, tried to answer the question that won't go away.

"It's a lot of things combined," he said. "One, a sense of duty. I was pissed off at the terrorists for 9/11 and other atrocities. Second, I'd only trained. I wanted combat." And then, he said, "there's some revenge involved. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't."

I need to point out, again, that the terrorists responsible for Sept. 11 were not from Iraq, they were with Al Qaeda, an international terrorist group with bases of operation in the Middle East, Europe, the United States and elsewhere. The fact that people still don't understand this distinction amazes me, and I lay the blame with the Administration (which deliberately created the confusion to pave the path to war) and the media (which failed to ask the hard questions when it was easier to go along, and continues in failing to properly inform their audience). That said, I can't even imagine what it's like to lose a child, and can only begin to understand his anger and frustration.

But there was more on the mind of this man who has done Church of God missionary work as far afield as Peru and the Arctic.

"I don't really have love for Muslim people," Johnson said. "I'm sure there are good Muslims. I try not to be racist." Although he hasn't read the Quran, or spoken with Muslims, he has "heard" the Islamic holy book "teaches to kill Jews and infidels. And it's hard to love people who hate you."

This is frightening. I'm trying not to be too judgmental, so let me just say that I thought the cornerstone of Christian thought was supposed to be a love of all. Also, I have a problem when people base their generalized opinion on a subject they know nothing about, especially when there is seemingly no intention of learning anything at all. Finally, "Muslim" is not race, the Quran doesn't teach those things, and the vast majority of Muslims don't hate anybody.

His battalion exits Iraq in early May, when Johnson's own enlistment term, coincidentally, expires. "That's it," he said, no re-enlistment for him.

But what about revenge?

"If I go home and didn't kill a terrorist, it's not going to ruin my life," he said. "Maybe I'd just as soon not. I don't know what it would do to my head."

For the most part, the people fighting in Iraq are not terrorists - they are Iraqis who are fighting against what they see as the invading force of a large, powerful country, which has since occupied their territory. I'd wager there are many Americans who, if you asked them what they would do if the U.S. were invaded, would tell you they'd do much the same thing. The Minutemen are already trying, and its chosen enemy, conveniently enough, are poor people trying to better their lives in a country that is inexplicably still seen as a beacon of freedom and hope. At the very least, this man has gained some perspective. At least, I hope so.

From the beginning, I've felt what we've been doing in the Middle East is wrong. This man's tragedy, and the deeper tragedy he represents for people affected on both sides of this war, shows just how wrong, and how ugly, it is.

Now somebody, anybody SCREAM!

Nel had the mother of all birthday presents last month when we took a weekend trip* to Houston to celebrate. While visiting the Museum of Art** to catch the Basquiat exhibit on its last day, we overheard a group of hipsters asking the guard about a Grandmaster Flash concert. We immediately inquired for ourselves, and sure enough Mr. Flash was to be present for the closing celebration. Five hours and $20 later we were putting our hands in the air, and waving 'em like we just didn't care.

By the way, Basquiat was indeed a genius. For the longest time I pegged him as a Warhol groupie. But seriously, he totally kicked ass.


*Activities also included dinner at a fancy-pants restaurant, shopping and lunch on Hillcroft Street and Harwin Drive and a marathonic trip to Ikea.
**And yes, The Houston Museum of Fine Arts is fucking awesome!

¿Si se puede?

MEXICO 2, UNITED STATES 1
United States Runs Out of Chances in Classic
By MURRAY CHASS
Published: March 17, 2006
Team USA lost to Mexico, 2-1, and was eliminated from the inaugural World Baseball Classic. South Korea and Japan advanced to the semifinals in San Diego.

-OK, now we just have to trust that our soccer compadres can do the same thing at the World Cup.

Cthulhu research alert!

From the Newspaper Tree:

The first big drug lord in the area was a Chinese man named Sam Hing, who peddled opium out of a fake business locale that was situated somewhere in the vicinity of what is now the intersection of Paisano Drive and Oregon Street, according to Juárez newspaper archives and Juárez city historian Ignacio Esparza-Marín. He said between 1910 and 1920 in Juárez there were places where not only opium was ingested, but also morphine and cocaine.

As always in the modern drug trade, there was a hostile takeover. In the mid-1920s, 11 Chinese immigrants dedicated to the sale of narcotics were murdered in Juárez. Their deaths were ordered by a married Juárez couple, a woman named Ignacia Jasso, nicknamed “La Nacha,” and her husband Pablo González, called “El Pablote.”

I hope this helps my fellow nerds. I thought it had some details that might help you beef up your campaign (or whatever it's called).

=)

Fun with Cat and Girl

Instead of a new strip over at one of our favorite web comics, Cat and Girl is giving readers a chance to screw around and make their own. After we lost both of our efforts the first time, I managed to rebuild mine and sent it to Lopez!. She liked it, so here it is. Just remember, I never claimed to be funny ha-ha. At most I'm funny why's-my-chair-squishy?

Blowing my brains out

Yeah, so this is pretty much how I've been feeling the past couple of days. Posting will pick up once I stop feeling like I've been worked over with a sock full of pennies and Lopez! doesn't have to go to three meetings every day. Oh, and whoever thought of lacing Puffs with lotion should get the Nobel Prize.

Image source

Stop the presses!

Maybe it's a good thing I don't work at a newspaper anymore. I was looking through the headlines and saw:

Tiny hummingbirds have superb memories

And the first thing that popped into my head was:

subhed: Big ones can't remember shit

Beetle-mania

Did you know the new Blue Beetle is supposed to be from El Paso? That's right, a new character who's integral to the current "Crisis" storyline, who'll be getting his own title in late March, who's replacing a beloved and dramatically killed-off character, and whose name is JAIME FRIGGIN' REYES, will be from my hometown.

See that truck in the background of Panel 2? That's a Big 8 truck! Big 8 is an El Paso chain of grocery stores, and outside of Chico's Tacos you can't get more El Paso than Big 8.

Man, it sure would be great if I knew some journalist-types back in El Chuco who could maybe play with the idea of pitching a story idea to the lifestyle section. C'mon, it wouldn't be that hard and it would be fun. El Paso could be cool for once. C'mooooon! And it's not as if you can't track down the background information - one of the writers even has his own blog!

I'm just saying.

Real Life Conversations, Pt. 2

We're driving to meet some friends for dinner, and "Come On, Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners starts up on the radio:

Nel: I used to really hate this song when it first came out, but now I've got an appreciation for it.

Lopez!: That's just because it's about some guy trying to get naughty.

N: Heh. Yeah.

L: I just can't stand how they look. They always looked dirty. Or oily.

N: They look like the bastard children of hillbillies and French people.

Katrina: The Warnings Bush Received

In case you heard about the video but haven't seen it.