Monday, March 27, 2006

Trouble on Paradise Island

You know what's wrong with Hollywood? You know what's wrong with the current crop of "actors/singers/celebrity A-holes" that are seemingly armed with everything but talent? I'll tell you what the problem is:

Lohan the one for “Wonder Woman”?

Although no talks have even begun, Lindsay Lohan thinks playing the role of Wonder Woman in the upcoming feature would be “cool.”

By Mark Umbach, FilmStew.com

Everybody is wondering which woman will be Wonder Woman. If it were up to starlet Lindsay Lohan, she says she’d take the pilot’s seat in the invisible jet in a heartbeat.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” vet Joss Whedon is currently developing a feature film based on the comic book superheroine for Warner Bros. Pictures.
While Lohan admits that she’s currently looking for roles outside her current milieu of teen and kiddie films, she thinks playing Diana Prince would be too cool.

“Wonder Woman would be cool. I’m trying to find roles right now that are different to anything I’ve done to show my abilities, to show that I have some sort of stretch in me. Because most of the things that I’ve done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted,” she recently to
ld OK! magazine.

Oh, hell no! No, no, no! I can't even begin to describe all the ways this is a bad idea. The only thing that keeps me from wrapping a mylar bag around my head is the fact Joss Whedon has been pretty clear that he wants someone statuesque, a warrior-woman, a goddamn AMAZON! That is not Lohan. Hey, while we're at it, why don't we cast Clay Aiken as Batman?

You just know there's some jerk somewhere who's actually considering this. I imagine a boardroom full of execs muttering "Synergy, synergy, crossover" while flapping copies of "Teen People" at each other.

There are certain things you need to make a character come alive. Look, it's simple:

Right














Wrong











Yes!























Great Hera, no!!


5 comments:

Eric said...

Joss will not let it happen! Joss loves us!

Anonymous said...

Isn't Wonder Woman supposed to have boobs?

Lisa said...

Oh please God, for the love of all things good and worthy, do NOT let some pencil-head production type force Joss to ruin Wonder Woman by casting a 19-year-old anorexic coke-fiend. Please no!

Nel Pastel said...

I would kill to see Lynda Carter stride ('cause that's how she does things) up to Lohan and just bitch-slap her PEYOW!

Lohan would shatter into a million pieces or stay in the fetal position for a few months. Either way, she wouldn't talk nonsense anymore.

Eric said...

On the boobs, WW should definitely have biguns. Bouncyuns! Realuns! If you'll notice, even scrawny-as-hell, Herpe Hohan managed to maintain some pretty serious cleavage, which just screams "store bought" to me.

And I know I shouldn't admit to seeing this film as often as I do, but Lynda Carter rocked in the Dukes of Hazzard movie last year! She is still amazing all these years later! She would knock Herpe into another career (I'm thinking crackho) with one slap.