Pulpo

A souvenir octopus swizzle stick, bought from a glassblower in Juarez and now taking up residence on my desk at work.

No. 1 with a bullet list

You know what's the one thing I don't like about coming home after a trip out of town? The way air gets trapped in the water pipes. When I took a shower today it sounded like a bagpipe was strangling a cat.


Lopez! and Quile have a problem with those media darlings, Perverted Justice — mostly with its poor word usage:

Lopez!: Perverted Justice? I don't even know what that means!

Quile: It should be "Justice for Perverts."


Hey, we've got friends who sell stuff — don't you want to celebrate the Savior's birthday by buying some of it? Jesus would want you to. So go check out Lisa's stuff, and then take a look at Lindy's.


So Blogger asked me if I wanted to update this template and I said sure and now everything looks goofy. And that's why all the text looks so ginormous now. Which means we'll be tinkering with it, so bear with us while things are being moved around, added or dropped.

Wow. This is possibly the most random post yet.

The problem with journalism today

"I don't know what that has to do
with the product."

— UT Austin journalism student at a Jim Lehrer lecture last night, regarding what the student considered a professor's overemphasis on interviewing skills.

Why I love my wife, Reason #3,782

As I was walking into the kitchen this morning, Lopez and I started a conversation like this:

Me: Hey, you wanna hear something gross?

Lopez: Yes.

Geek check: I should've had a d8

While I was moving my notebooks, camera and other stuff from one bag to another last night, I started looking at my gaming bag as a possible candidate.

(I'm looking for The Perfect Bag, and even though I know I don't own it I keep hoping one of them will surprise me some day; it's a search second only to my quest for The Perfect Pen.)

If you game, you know what a gaming bag is; in my case, it's a backpack I use to carry my scratch paper and pencils and player's guides and whatever else I need when I'm gaming. Of course, this also means that most of my dice are in this bag. And of course, this means I ended up spending a good half-hour or so reorganizing my dice.

REORGANIZING MY DICE.

Hey man, I needed to make sure I had plenty of d6. And then I read this entry on Wil Wheaton's blog today and was reminded that not only is he a fantastic writer and seemingly all-around good-guy, but he understands. A Yahtzee cup? C'mon.

I know most of my friends are geeks, nerds and dorks in one way or another, so let me hear it - what geeky thing have you done lately?

Thank you, Satan!

And also thanks to E, because with the exception of the clock radio this morning I literally haven't listened to anything but Dethklok since yesterday. What I need is a dethklok radio.

If you've got any metal in your soul (and a sense of humor about it), YOU NEED THIS. It's seriously one of the best metal albums I've heard in a long time, which is pretty good for a fictional band with real talent. Go get it, and pick up the Season 1 DVD while you're at it!

Also, I may now be guilty of this.

Dear Brazil: Bite me

It sounds greedy, considering that the U.S. Women's team was in position to possibly win its third World Cup title, but dammit, Brazil, are you going to dominate women's soccer, too?

Isn't it enough that you've got Ronaldhino? Now we've got to contend with Marta as well? Look at her over there - she's a machine! And beating the U.S. 4-0? That's just overkill, man. C'mon.

And yeah, I know this is the first time Brazil will be competing for the title, but I know how it goes. You get a little taste of victory and suddenly you don't want to share any more. I've seen how you operate, Brazil, and I'm afraid this is only the beginning.

Just look at the kinds of stories I'm having to read now:

USA Falls, 4-0, Brazil in 2007 FIFA World Cup Semifinals

HANGZHOU, China (Sept. 27, 2007) – The U.S. Women’s National Team endured a nightmare first half in which it scored an own goal and saw midfielder Shannon Boxx ejected. The U.S. was forced to chase the rest of the game against the dynamic and talented Brazilians who scored twice in both halves to defeat the USA, 4-0.
…

The first 20 minutes of the game saw clattering fouls from both teams, leading to free kicks in dangerous spots. Brazil forced some early pressure as well, hitting a free kick in the seventh minute that was deflected by U.S. goalkeeper Briana Scurry, off a Brazilian player and out of bounds.

The USA gifted Brazil its first goal in the 20th minute, coming off a corner kick that was spun to the near post. With no Brazilian players close to getting a touch on it, it skidded off the turf as midfielder Leslie Osborne dove to clear it, but instead inadvertently headed the ball into her own net from close range.

The second Brazil goal came seven minutes later on a piece of magical dribbling from Brazilian star Marta, who won a ball from defender Stephanie Lopez down the right flank. She dribbled inside and darted free, shooting between closing U.S. defenders Kate Markgraf and Cat Whitehill. Scurry got a hand on the ball, but couldn’t turn it outside the right post.
…

Then disaster struck in stoppage time of the first half.

Boxx had received an early yellow card in the 15th minute for upending a Brazilian player and was caught chasing a Brazilian counter attack in the 46th minute. Brazilian forward Cristiane bumped Boxx from behind, got tangled in her legs and both went down in a heap. In a harsh decision by referee Nicole Petignat, she whistled the foul, pulled out a second yellow, then red and sent Boxx to the locker room.

U.S. head coach Greg Ryan inserted Carli Lloyd for Lopez at halftime as the USA went to a 3-4-2 formation, but against the talented Brazilians and playing a woman down, the Americans faced a daunting task to get back in the game.
…

The end of the game belonged to Marta, who put on a dazzling display of dribbling and scored the capper in the 80th minute. She took a chipped pass from Renata Costa in the left side of the penalty box with her back to the goal, flicked the bouncing ball around substitute Tina Ellertson to the inside, ran around her to the outside, then cut inside to evade Whitehill before hitting her shot into the lower left corner. Once again Scurry got a glove to it, but couldn’t turn it away. The two goals gave Marta a tournament-leading seven in the 2007 FIFA Women’s World Cup.
…

It was the first loss in regulation time for the U.S. women in the past 51 games and first-ever loss under Ryan. The four-goal deficit also marked the biggest margin of defeat in U.S. history.

"Scored an own-goal" for God's sake! "Biggest margin of defeat in U.S. history!" And I can't say columns with headlines like "Brazil overwhelms U.S. with its talent" don't sting. Oh - they sting alright. I blame you for my pain, Brazil, you and your bionic soccer-monster.

I can only hope Germany is ready for what it must face.

Marta: "Raagh!! I'll swallow your soul!!!"

'A straight line is not the shortest distance between two points ...'

I was sad to read today that Madeleine L'Engle, author of A Wrinkle in Time and many other novels, died yesterday at the age of 88.

L'Engles' Wrinkle was probably the first full-on science fiction book I ever read, or at least it's the earliest I can specifically remember (A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court might have barely beaten it). And man, did it have an impact.

I must have been around 10 or so, and here was my first introduction to concepts like the space/time continuum, wormholes (though they weren't called that in the book) and planes of existence occupying different dimensions than our own. I must have read A Wrinkle in Time two or three times in a row, and then several more times over the years.

On top of the heavy dose of scientific theory, there was the compellingly creepy theme on the evils of conformity. Even now, there are two things that have stuck with me most from the book; Mrs Whatsit folding her apron to explain a space/time wormhole (the title's "wrinkle in time") and the frighteningly soulless and ordered planet where the kid's father is being held. When the heroes of Wrinkle first get there, the come upon a street lined with gray houses that's empty until, suddenly and with perfect precision, every door opens and a child comes out. Here's a taste of what weirded me out:

"As the skipping rope hit the pavement, so did the ball. As the rope curved over the head of the jumping child, the child with the ball caught the ball. Down came the ropes. Down came the balls. Over and over again. Up. Down. All in rhythm. All identical. Like the houses. Like the paths. Like the flowers."

Guh - it still gives me the creeps.

While looking for a link for background on A Wrinkle in Time, I realized I had completely forgotten about the religious overtones of the story. I'd have to re-read it (and its follow-ups, which are also good), but I remember it being kind of innocuous for the most part. It's definitely there, but it doesn't get in the way of a great story about free-thinking, relativity and the power of love. If you haven't read it, give it a try - you won't be sorry.

Thanks, Madeleine L'Engle - you introduced me to things I still think about today; and whenever I'm explaining a wormhole to someone, I still use your apron as an example.

The tide is high (but he's holding on)

Is it just me, or does it seem as if the once-tightly packed foundation of the Bush sandcastle (and by extension, the GOP) has been taking some wear-and-tear from the waves of scandal and increasing public dissatisfaction?

Just today Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho announced that he plans to resign after all the noise made since being busted for soliciting sex in an airport men's room. I still want to know what kind of "hand gestures" he made that were apparently obvious cue to the cops Is it like flashing gang signs? I don't want to get accidentally blown away, in any sense of the word.

And then, Deputy Press Secretary Dana Perino was bumped up to the top spot after Tony Snow resigned. I'm willing to give Snow a pass since he's trying to beat cancer for the second time, but I can't help but think that he might've thought it was a good idea to git while the gittin' was good. He's been a consistent cheerleader for the White House, so you know the image-conscious Administration can't be happy, especially since it comes so soon after Rove announced he was leaving.

And that was just today!

I want to believe the American public and its supposed elected representatives have finally - finally - had enough. But thanks to the actions of this administration ... I'm not sure I do. I almost feel as if Bush has stolen my wallet, and now periodically comes around to smack me in the head with it while the crowd nods and tells him, yes, he's doing the right thing.

I can only hope that the crowd is checking its pockets and will realize they've been ripped off, too.

Like a phoenix rising from Arizona

Yeah, I know - it's been a while since we've put anything up here, but a combination of a busy time at work, a week's vacation and other excuses that I hope sound good have kept us from posting as regularly as we'd like. But that doesn't mean we haven't been thinking about the poor little blog, so here are some of the things that have caught out attention lately.

We'll kick things off with - what else - the latest in pickle news! Actually, this is a few weeks old, but that's OK - we all know pickles keep forever. I'm not sure what's with the apparent upswing in pickle popularity lately, but I'm beginning to get a little suspicious, especially since this time it's local!

Apparently it's not enough to soak them in Kool-Aid; now they're freezing the juice and calling it ... a picklesickle. According to the Austin-American Statesman:

John Howard of Seguin is the creator of the Picklesickle, 2 ounces of dill pickle juice frozen in a Vienna sausage-sized plastic bag. Howard retired from the plumbing trade last year and now runs a Seguin roller rink, where he has sold thousands of the neon green frozen treats.

Frozen pickle juice pops have been popular treats for kids at fairs, drive-in movies and other events for years. Howard's Picklesickles had a similar genesis, as pickle juice frozen in small plastic cups and sold for 75 cents under the roller rink's multicolored disco lights in the city about 50 miles south of Austin. That first batch, made in May, sold out the first weekend and used up all of the pickle juice Howard had on hand. Now, he buys pickles in 5-gallon jars and uses a "proprietary method" to turn them into pure pickle juice.

On a busy weekend, Howard sells more than 300 Picklesickles, most of them to kids, he said. Flavored versions — including cherry-dill pickle, lime-dill pickle and kosher dill pickle — are in development. And Howard has sold about 30 boxes through his Picklesickle Web site, www.picklesickle.com, to pickle lovers from Waco to Anchorage, Alaska. They go for $18 to $30, depending on the quantity.

Instead of stopping myself the next time I have a crazy idea, I'm going to come up with a catchy name and slap a price tag on it, 'cause people will buy anything.

---

Y'know, today's a special day, so instead of downing another picklesickle, why don't you do something a little less icky? Like, say, summon an Outer God and fall into the endless madness that is the emptiness of a cold and uncaring universe?!?!

Yes, happy 117th birthday H.P. Lovecraft, in whatever dark dimension you may be haunting nowadays. Why, you and the Cthulhu Mythos that slithered out of your inspired imagination even has the power to make the Family Circus funny.


I have this panel taped to my office door - the look on people's faces as they read it cracks me up every time.

---

Speaking of strange goings-on, me and Lopez! spent about a week in Taos recently, where she took a class and I walked a pair of tennis shoes to death. It was the first time Lopez had been to the area, and it was nice to be around mountains and real Mexican food again. Yay mountains! Screw you, tex-mex!

The Worst Soup in the World

I didn't have much for lunch today, but you know what? That's OK, because the alternative would have been to eat the entire container of Dr. McDougall's Vegan Minestrone and Pasta soup, which is so bad I can't even think of a simile for it.

Vegan food can be good, but maybe that's just the freshly made stuff because I can tell you that this cup of instant soup is so bad that I would not be surprised if you told me the Devil himself squatted over cardboard containers all day just to put this product on the shelves. Is this why you vegans tend to be grumpy? I would be too if this was the kind of crap I had to eat.

And don't get me wrong - this isn't an anti-vegan rant. I eat everything and I've put some truly foul things in my mouth. But this ... good God ... I didn't even pay for it and I feel ripped off.

Lopez and I forgot lunch today, so we borrowed these cups of caca from a coworker (who claims they're "good," by the way). Our first hint of things to come? When Lopez had her first spoonful and said, "Tastes fishy."

Lopez thought the MINESTRONE TASTED FISHY!

It was all downhill from there. The beans and vegetables never rehydrated, and instead became little dried-out bombs of ick. The "flavor mix" tended to hide in the pasta shells, waiting to unleash the full force of the soups' strangely chemical taste. There was something in there that could have been barley, or just as easily could have have been Styrofoam. No, wait - I've tasted Styrofoam, and it wasn't this bad.

In the end I could only eat the broth, and even then it was a struggle. With every bite I became more pissed, as if this soup had personally committed an affront to me and my entire family, and then smacked me in the back of the head with a dead 'possum. Lopez didn't eat much more, and she loves soup.

We shared a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Coke with "lunch." We later both had a handful of Reese's Pieces.

I CAN STILL TASTE THAT GODDAMN SOUP!

This soup was so bad I felt compelled to warn everyone about it, like it was Attila's horde or an impromptu Yanni concert. If you have the opportunity to eat this soup, I'd recommend you catch a squirrel and then use it to scrape up some unidentifiable roadkill in a toxic swamp instead. It would be better than Dr. Death's Vegan Minestrone and Evil soup.

It would have to be better.

Things I Hate: 1st in a series

• People who habitually use British slang

Attention individuals who "casually" drop lingo from the U.K. on a regular basis - including "bloody," "wanker," "arse" and "bollocks" - but are not connected to the U.K. in any way:

YOU'RE NOT BRITISH!

(Anyone from the United Kingdom, please ignore this message.)

Hey, good-lookin'

Look who took a whirl at making an avatar - yay Lopez!!

Los Siiiimp-soooooons!

So, an accurate depiction of yours truly in Springfield? You make the call!

By the way, this was done by using the avatar creator at the movie home page and then taking a screen shot (I didn't feel like registering for something I'd use once). If you feel like joining in on the fun, that'd be swell.

Now who's got the squishees?

Hell of a commute

I give up.

How do you even fight such blatant corruption and cronyism? How do you stand up against someone who is essentially a retarded bully who not only doesn't care what's right or wrong or what the people he obstensibly serves want, but instead serves only his own malformed concept of loyalty and duty to self.

I hope it's obvious that I've been talking about George Bush.

Congratulations, you evil, empty shell of a man - I feel broken. By commuting the sentence of Lewis Libby on felony charges, and leaving the door opent to a possible future pardon, you've practically destroyed what little faith I had left in America and what it's supposed to represent. The law means nothing to you, except as something to be bent and twisted to your needs.

I don't care that he's on probation - that's meaningless. I don't care that he has to pay a fine of $250,000 - he's got the money, and if he doesn't have it now he's still got those buddies of his who raised million ... MILLIONS ... to support his case and push for that full pardon. And I especially don't care that his reputation is supposedly "irreparably damaged" or that his career as a lawyer could be over - that is the least someone convicted of lying in court and obstruction of justice should suffer.

I'm not surprised, really. And that's what bothers me: I've come to expect the worst from the president of my country, and little better from my government. And it bothers me that whatever I think - or whatever any other citizen or activist group says, or whatever empty rhetoric any politician coughs up - doesn't mean anything.

Not a damn thing.

Image: Associated Press

Lo siento, Mexico

The final game of the CONCACAF tournament was yesterday, and let's just say that as a native of Mexico ... Lopez! is pissed!

It might be because I keep dancing around the apartment chanting, "U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Whooooo! In spite of all the naysayers, the US was the better team (ha!) and beat Mexico 2-1 to take home the Gold Cup, leaving Mexico to sob into the tricolores and plan the lynching of their coach, Hugo Sanchez.

Oh man, does Lopez! hate that dude. He talked a lot of smack before he was named coach, and since then has managed to create a team of primadonnas who seem disinterested in scoring on the field. Not to mention he looks like a pudgy Tom Jones, so he's got that against him, too. Plus, he's got that annoying tendency Mexican fans have of making excuses and being unwilling to admit they lost. This is what Sanchez said after the game:

"When you lose doing what we did, you can't be sad," Mexico coach Hugo Sanchez said. "It bothers me, sure. But when you look at how we did in the tournament, we got a lot better and we deserved a better result. Sometimes the team that plays better doesn't always win."

Gah!

And I have to admit - I used to hate Landon Donovan. He was pretty full of himself, but didn't follow-through enough to earn it. But lately he seems to have matured, focused and become a real team leader, which is what the US team needs. On top of that, Mexico despises Donovan, so you know that's gotta be satisfying.

Don't get me wrong - I love the Mexican team, and when I'm not rooting for the US I'm all about Mexico. But for now, well ... I think it's time for another victory dance.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Hey, Pickle!!

Have you ever seen Idiocracy? It's not as good as Office Space, but it's a solid offering from Mike Judge that runs with the premise that society is virtually in ruins in the future because, well, stupid people tend to breed more. And they tend to eat more junk food and energy drinks.

Don't sweat it, stupid people! It's really a statement on our American society in general, since the world basically operates as if everyone is living in a reality show.

Ow. I just hurt my brain.

Anyway, this is all a long way to say this: Earlier, Lopez and I were talking about this, and she said it just supports her argument that Idiocracy might not be that far-fetched.

Ladies and gentlemen, in our continuing quest to bring you the latest in pickle news, I give you what some call:

THE KOOLICKLE

Oh yeah!

Because everyone knows that dill pickles have been crying out for an intensive Kool-Aid injection. And yes, small child, I will try Hot Cheetos and ice cream. At this point, why the hell not?

I just hope I don't go into sugar-shock while eating my Koolickle. Being found with one in my grip - or God forbid, my mouth - might be embarrassing.

Shit. Now I can't stop saying "Koolickle."

Ny ... Nyarlathotep?

I think I might be reading too much Lovecraft.

I was sitting in a meeting and eating some chocolate someone brought. The wrappers had playful little messages in them like, "You look good in red," and, "Take a bubble-bath." I opened one up and it said:


And the first thing I thought of was forest cabins and brains in metallic cylinders.

Yeah ... it might be time to re-read a Harry Potter book or something.

Like a rocket

One of the many things I love about Austin is its tendency to bolt wacky sculptures to its buildings. There's the Mangia dinosaur (now stalking the roof of the Wheatsville Co-op), the Blue Genie, the pumped-up arm of that gym on Guadalupe, the tentaskull on Burnet, and a ton more.

There's even water heater rockets, blasting off to parts unknown, looking for the next adventure. And that, really, kind of sums up what it's like living in this town.

(Seen on St. John's Avenue, near North Lamar and 183)

Brace yourself

Guess who got her braces off this Wednesday?


Yay for Lopez! Let's go get some roasted corn and candy apples!