Vegan food can be good, but maybe that's just the freshly made stuff because I can tell you that this cup of instant soup is so bad that I would not be surprised if you told me the Devil himself squatted over cardboard containers all day just to put this product on the shelves. Is this why you vegans tend to be grumpy? I would be too if this was the kind of crap I had to eat.And don't get me wrong - this isn't an anti-vegan rant. I eat everything and I've put some truly foul things in my mouth. But this ... good God ... I didn't even pay for it and I feel ripped off.
Lopez and I forgot lunch today, so we borrowed these cups of caca from a coworker (who claims they're "good," by the way). Our first hint of things to come? When Lopez had her first spoonful and said, "Tastes fishy."
Lopez thought the MINESTRONE TASTED FISHY!
It was all downhill from there. The beans and vegetables never rehydrated, and instead became little dried-out bombs of ick. The "flavor mix" tended to hide in the pasta shells, waiting to unleash the full force of the soups' strangely chemical taste. There was something in there that could have been barley, or just as easily could have have been Styrofoam. No, wait - I've tasted Styrofoam, and it wasn't this bad.
In the end I could only eat the broth, and even then it was a struggle. With every bite I became more pissed, as if this soup had personally committed an affront to me and my entire family, and then smacked me in the back of the head with a dead 'possum. Lopez didn't eat much more, and she loves soup.
We shared a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Coke with "lunch." We later both had a handful of Reese's Pieces.
I CAN STILL TASTE THAT GODDAMN SOUP!
This soup was so bad I felt compelled to warn everyone about it, like it was Attila's horde or an impromptu Yanni concert. If you have the opportunity to eat this soup, I'd recommend you catch a squirrel and then use it to scrape up some unidentifiable roadkill in a toxic swamp instead. It would be better than Dr. Death's Vegan Minestrone and Evil soup.
It would have to be better.
6 comments:
A soup Lopez wouldn't eat? I'm frightened.
She tried - oh man, did she try. I've never known anyone who likes soup as much as Lopez, but even she couldn't get through the whole thing.
Ahahahahaha, that's what you get for going in my drawer sucker! I left that thing in there cuz I had bought two and the first was so abysmal that I avoided the second like the plague. Dr. McDougal's other stuff isn't bad, but that one is GAWD awful. Now keep yer grubby paws out my drawer! And especially keep em out my drawers!
And by "isn't bad" I mean, tastes okay and is relatively filling. I do NOT recommend Dr. McDougal to any but the most dedicated vegan dieters who are too lazy to deal with anything that isn't completely non-perishable and able to be stored in a drawer for months on end. I have actually gotten my palate to the point where I find his ramen, miso with ramen, tamale, and split pea soups pretty tasty, but most others probably would not find them to be so. I also only put in about 3/4 of the recommended water and let it sit for about 4 times as long as the label directs. However, again, yes that minestrone is completely fucking inedible, even to me, so the lesson you've learned, again? Keep your grubby hands outta my drawers!
Ha! That's what you think, sucker! Some other poor sap must've stolen your soup because we got our cup from one of Lopez's co-workers.
But don't worry, it shouldn't be too hard to figure out who took your soup - we'll just look for someone trying to scrape the taste buds off their tongue.
I apologize wholeheartedly, I did not mean that to be an accusation at all. AH, mebbe I was smart enough not to buy two after all. I just knew that I didn't have one in my drawer anymore and the one I DID try I literally spit the first spoonfull back into the cup and threw the whole thing out. My bad, I made and ass out of u and me. I have a drawer full of the other McDougals and therefore assumed you had dipped into my stash--which I have always told you that you were welcome to do so and was just sassing you in my previous comments, you can put your grubby paws in my drawers anytime (again LAZY vegan people on low-calorie, low-fat, high fiber diets ONLY should approach the OTHER flavors, the minestrone is hell on earth though, exactly as you've described it). I can't believe A) there is another McDougal eater in this company and B) that that person actually finds the minestrone not only edible, but delicious. Stunned and amazed I am. Amazed and stunned am I.
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