Here it goes:
As I was reading the article in Time Magazine about the photos of notorious (oh, and indicted) lobbyist Jack Abramoff having a chummy ol' time with his best buddy President Bush, I was wondering, "Why would the owner of such evidence want to, first, remain anonymous, and second, not want the photos published."
Think Lopez! THINK!! X|
Well, it turns out the owner of such deliciousness is no other than our very own Mad Hatter friend. Oh, Jack, our greatest "Pioneer." You crack me up.
And since I don't have anything to contribute to the "Million Little Pieces" debate (since I didn't read the book and don't really plan to read it) I give you this chart fresh out of the Onion. My favorite has to be the copy editor one (because that one is probably true).
And, yes, it's official: The Newspaper Tree is boring. And it's not like I haven't been patient. Every week little Lopez! goes and wastes the time she can use working, looking for knowledge on this site. Satisfaction?! DENIED!! C'mon people! Throw me a bone here! How about a chewy, delicious story that can carry me through the day. Something! The only thing midly interesting was a story about some tiny houses being built in El Paso and blah, blah, blah. I know they are trying to tell me something, I know they are. I just don't know what it is. Sounds like it could be interesting, but they failed to show me how. They get a big fat F for effort.
And since I couldn't get no satisfaction with El Paso publications, I had to jump to Juarez publications where I read a headline saying "Some famous dude received an Escopetarra in Colombia." Or to be more specific: "Juanes received an Escopetarra." "Shakira received an Escopetarra," and so and so, and so and so. My laziness prevented me from clicking the fcking link to actually read the story, which led me to believe for an entire week that an Escopetarra was something like a Raspberry, or two thumbs way down in some statue form. Well it turns out I'm not only a moron, but I'm just not hip enough to know it's a symbol of peace. An object transformed from its bellicose past as a rifle* into a beatiful butterfly. OK, not a butterfly, but a guitar.** And it looks something like this:
The dude that makes them hopes they carry a message of peace and love and blah, blah, blah.
* or whatever you call it, shotgun, ak-47, or cuerno de chivo or a kaleidosomething. Can you tell I'm an ignorant pacifist? %) It works with bullets. Oh, and malice.
** I don't really know if it really works as an instrument. I was too lazy to read the story.
1 comment:
Our girl bunny went all ninja recently and cut our land line. Now we have no phone. Women are so damned irrational.
Yeah, we're trying to start a family this year. The Lady Boss has complicated astrological plans so the baby will be born a Capricone or Aquestrian or something. I just nod my head and jump into action when she gives the signal.
We're also looking into buying a home out here so we're not throwing away a grand on rent every month. Much rather squander it on a mortgage, like grownups.
All of which means I have to start pulling in some serious cash from my so-called writing Life.
I've been thinking of making up a fibby bio for the back of my book. Maybe something about my time in 'Nam. Or as a crimefighter in Juarez, murder capital of Mexico. I did one time see a movie about Vietnam, and I once fought the urge to commit a crime in Juarez, which perfectly adheres to Frey's Almost Kosher Truth standards (it's better than the truth, it's a FAKT!).
Apparently lying gets you all sorts of attention, including two - count 'em, two! - appearances on Oprah. I wonder if lying will further my career in Hollywood?
Please present suggestions.
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