It was the 70s, and truckers were American heroes. I mean, c'mon, "Convoy" was my introduction to Kris Kristofferson and the role he'd be playing right up to the time he'd be killing vampires. Do you get Alan Alda to kill vampires? Hell no! You get a goddamn trucker.
I even had a little trucker dictionary, with funky illustrations and every bit of jargon you could hope for - it taught me the difference between the rubber duck, the back door and the rocking chair. Truckers - and motorcycle guys, stuntmen and just guys with a muscle car - were the new cowboys, bad-asses who stuck it to The Man and got it on with the ladies.
And Burt Reynolds was king.
That's why I'm as excited as the eight-year-old version of the Pastel right now. The kick-ass Alamo Drafthouse is showing a new print of "Smokey and the Bandit" tonight, and guess who's going? 10-4, good buddy, me and Lopez are eastbound and down!I've loved "Smokey and the Bandit" since I first saw it as a kid. I think it's hilarious that the first time you see two of the three heroes, they're asleep. And I didn't realize it until I was talking about it with Lopez, but Burt Reynolds is probably the archetype of manhood for a bunch of Gen Xers like me. I mean, Reynolds was a freakin' god, man!
You want proof? Here's your proof, you sumbitch:
"Deliverance!" If it wasn't for Burt, they'd all have been squealing like pigs.
"White Lightning!" This is when people started to realize Reynolds kicked even more ass behind the wheel of a fast car. He played a bootlegger named Gator. Gator!!
"The Longest Yard!" Prison football! By this time, it was pretty clear Reynolds could do anything he wanted.
"Semi-Tough!" Another football movie, with the added manliness of Kris Kristofferson. If they had somehow managed to wedge John Travolta in there, women the world over would have spontaneously combusted.
"Hooper!" Best stuntman movie. Ever.
"Cannonball Run!" Non-stop driving and fighting, occasionally punctuated by drinking and sex. Also, my introduction to Jackie Chan, though I didn't know it at the time. Oh, and Dean Martin was the coolest dude in the Rat Pack and I don't care what anyone says.
"Sharkey's Machine!" Great, gritty cop flick.
He married Loni Anderson when she was still the hot chick from "WKRP!" Had a love affair with Sally Field! Named his son Quinton, and didn't give a shit what you thought!
And then, it was the mid-80s and Burt Reynolds disappeared, popping up every now and then to fling a "Rent-a-Cop" or "Cop and a 1/2" at us like some crochety old monkey. It was a dark time.
Then "Evening Shade" reminded everyone what a charmer that good ol' boy could be. Suddenly he was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for his role in "Boogie Nights." Personally, I thought "Nights" was too long (heh) and too overblown (Ha ha!), but Reynolds' poignant performance (Hee ... oh, wait) carries the whole thing for me. Since then, he's slowly but steadily put in time in decent movies and reinforced his star status.
And how did he do it? Why did this happen?
Because he's the goddamn Bandit.
And for days now I've been singing the theme song in my head, and it goes a little something like this:
Eastbound and doooown!
Something something truckin'
We're gonna do what they say can't be done!
We gotta long way to go,
And a short time to get there,
C'mon baby, watch ol' Bandit run!
Something something something!
Something Texarkana!
Something something something eeelllse!
(Repeat)
Gimme a break - I told you this was in my head. And besides, they'll be handing out lyric sheets at the movie, there'll be a semi full of Coors out front, I'll be going with my own Frog, and this is Austin. It should be a good time.
10-10 'til we do it again, good buddies!
2 comments:
Wow, is Burt himself going to be at the screening?
Cause if he is, maybe you two can hop in his Trans-Am and go for a drive together. You can tell him how you always wanted to be his "good buddy," and how you sing a little song about him all day long.
Then you can discuss Deliverance.
Ah, I like the Bandit too. He kind of reminds me of my dad, with that cowboy hat and the big ol' caterpillar mustache hanging off his top lip.
But for me, the epitome of masculinity was always squinty-eyed Clint Eastwood and his .44 Magnum, "the most powerful handgun in the world."
Then came Bridges of Madison County...
They always seem to screw it up somehow, don't they?
And yeah, I dig Clint Eastwood, too, but he's just on a whole other level. On my best day I could maybe, just for a few seconds, be as cool as Burt Reynolds. There was no way in hell I could ever pull myself up to Dirty Harry status. Besides, the whole carrying a .44 and shooting whoever I wanted made the whole thing a little unattainable anyway.
You should have seen the show, man. It was packed (we had to get a staffer to close up spaces so we'd have somewhere to sit), and everyone in the audience was wearing these fake mustaches they handed out with your ticket. It was a lot of fun.
And you're giving ME shit, buddy? At least I update once in a while! :p
Post a Comment