Weird science v.2

Yeah, I know we haven't posted anything in a while - sorry 'bout that. It's a lame excuse, but things really have been busy lately. Regular posting will begin again soon, but for now, put the needle on the record for ... SCIENCE!!!

France opens secret UFO files covering 50 years

by Marlowe Hood PARIS (AFP) - France became the first country to open its files on UFOs Thursday when the national space agency unveiled a website documenting more than 1,600 sightings spanning five decades.

The online archives, which will be updated as new cases are reported, catalogues in minute detail cases ranging from the easily dismissed to a handful that continue to perplex even hard-nosed scientists.

...

"Cases such as the lady who reported seeing an object that looked like a flying roll of toilet paper" are clearly not worth investigating, said Patenet.

But many others involving multiple sightings -- in at least one case involving thousands of people across France -- and evidence such as burn marks and radar trackings showing flight patterns or accelerations that defy the laws of physics are taken very seriously.

I saw an object that looked like a flying roll of toilet paper once, but it was after eating some bad Thai (thank you - tip your waitresses, folks!)


Conclusive proof: Vampires do not exist

The Huffington Post

Apparently some smarty-pants scientists have proven conclusively that vampires conclusively do not exist. Here's why: Each time a vampire bites someone to feed, they turn that person into a vampire, creating a cycle that doubles and doubles and doubles again, like that famous "and they told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on and so on and so on" Faberge Organics commercial from the 80's, and also like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and mitosis, kind of.

It's explained more smarter here:

If a single vampire fed on a single human in the first month, this would create two vampires -- and decrease the human population by one, leaving it at 536,870,911 - 1 = 536,870,910. In the second month, those two vampires would each feed, transforming two people into vampires -- so you get four vampires and a human population of 536,870,911 - 3 = 536,870,908. So you can see where this is headed. The vampire population is increasing in a geometric progression, and the population of humans is similarly decreasing -- and at that rate, the authors calculate, the entire human population would be transformed into vampires in only 30 months. QED!

So it isn't wooden stakes, sunlight or even Slayers that kill vampires - it's math. And Latin.


Bizarre hexagon spotted in Saturn’s clouds

One of the most bizarre weather patterns in the solar system has been photographed at Saturn, where astronomers have spotted a huge, six-sided feature circling the north pole.

Rather than the normally sinuous cloud structures seen on all planets that have atmospheres, this thing is a hexagon.

...

The hexagon is nearly 15,000 miles (25,000 kilometers) across. Nearly four Earths could fit inside it. The thermal imagery shows that the hexagon extends about 60 miles (100 kilometers) down into the clouds.

This is simultaneously the most disconcerting and the most awesome thing I've ever seen. I don't know what's going on with Saturn, but between this and the Eye, I think it might be a good idea to watch the skies.


Smaller Inflatable Exoskeleton

nym - This tiny girl is wearing what's called a "Power Jacket," which is an inflatable exokeleton that weighs only four pounds.

Japanese electronics giant Matsushita Electric Industrial unveils the prototype model for a "power jacket" to help patients recover from partial paralysis during rehabilitation, at the Home Care and Rehabilitation Exhibition in Tokyo.

This is cool on so, so many levels.


Scientists discover 'shadow person'

by Erica Harrison Cosmos Online

SYDNEY: Ever feel as though you're being followed? As if someone is behind you, shadowing your every move? It might be your ‘shadow person,' created by unusual activity in a specific brain region, a new study shows.

The paper, published in the British journal Nature, describes the case of a 22-year-old woman with no history of psychiatric problems who was being evaluated for treatment of epilepsy. When a region of her brain called the left temporoparietal junction was electrically stimulated, the woman described encounters with a ‘shadow person' who mimicked her bodily movements.

…

When the patient was lying down, stimulation of this brain region caused her to feel that someone was behind her. … When the patient sat up, leaned forward and clasped her knees, she felt that the figure was also sitting, embracing her in its arms - a feeling she described as "unpleasant."

Do you ever get the feeling scientists just dig the idea of poking people in the brain? Just to see what happens?

Class dismissed!

Amelie

We got this text message last night, which automatically became the best text message ever:

From: Tom

Baby Amelie is 8 lb 10 oz!! All ok.

9:08P Tue Mar13

Congratulations, Tom and Nina! We're so happy for you both, and we can't wait to meet the little piece of heaven. We love you guys, and we already love your daughter.

Hooray for Tom and Nina! Yay for Amelie!!

El Paso agents - activate!

It was during a visit with some friends from El Paso that we heard the news: People's Emporium had shut down.

Apparently this happened a while ago, but it was news to me. I think it was also more of a shock to me than to Lopez! because it had been one of my El Paso touchstones, one of those things that was so "El Paso," but at the same time almost out of step with the city just out of its sheer weirdness.

Imagine being a young kid, living in a part of the city that makes trips to the Downtown area seem like a rare treat. For me, this is where the action was: the main library branch, which for me always had the same spiritual vibe as a Gothic church; my aunt's bookstore; the medical building where Mom worked; the bars my dad frequented and where my sister and I would pretend to play shuffleboard and pool. And of course, People's Emporium.

It wasn't until later that I was really aware of A-1 Costumes on the second floor, with its wonderfully creaky wooden stairway and musty, heigh-ceilinged area crammed with spirit gum, latex masks and cheap bald-caps. For me, it was all about the enormous first floor, an odd cramming together of a used bookstore, a novelty shop and an occult back-room.

My parents practically had to drag me out of there every single time.

It didn't hurt that the building itself was unique. Square in the heart of the Five Points neighborhood, People's Emporium occupied a large wedge of brick painted a red that bordered on lurid, at least in my imagination.

Maybe that's what I loved so much about the place; it was somewhere my imagination could run wild, snatching up sci-fi paperbacks with one hand and fingering smoothly polished gemstones with the other, magic crackling in the grip of both. If I could steal a peek at a half-dressed woman preserved forever at the bottom of a glass ashtray, my trip could be considered a complete success.

When I heard that the Emporium had closed down, I have to admit my heart broke a little. It was one of those things a person just assumed, naively, would always be there. I still made periodic trips as an adult, either to prowl the aisles of the bookstore or to pick up some face-paint for that year's Halloween costume. It never occured to me that my last trip there would also be my final trip ever to what I considered a local landmark.

I can't help feeling as if we - me and El Paso - have lost something. Maybe not something particularly important, but certainly something special.

So here's a special request to my pals in El Paso: Does anyone have any information about the closing? Did it make the paper? Is there any chance anybody out there has a photo of the building? And while you're at it, do you have any memories you'd like to share?

For myself, I know I'll be taking a lot of pictures around town the next time I'm in El Paso - just in case.

Be a dude

Hello, Public-at-Large - I've got a favor to ask. I know it's awkward, and it seems silly to even bring it up, but if you notice that I've got something hanging out of my nose can you please tell me?

Yes, it can be a little uncomfortable. But believe me, the ripple of embarrassment you feel is nothing compared to the groaning chagrin that comes from catching a reflection of yourself and noticing a righteous nose-goblin gripping the rim of your nostril.

Come on - I'd do it for you.

I've never understood this attitude of it somehow being better if everyone just pretends somthing's not there. Dont' be a jerk about it, but wouldn't it be better to have a moment of polite discomfort rather than look into a mirror and wonder, "How long has THAT been there?"

So I'm asking you - as a fellow member of society, as someone who's been there, as a friend - let me know if you see bats in the cave. Lopez! can't be on boogie-duty all the time.

By the way ... I came down with a cold this morning, so someone's going to have to pull a double-shift.

Happy birthday, Abe!

I've always said Lincoln kicked ass, what with preserving the Union, freeing the slaves and being an icon of honor and justice in desperate times. And now here's more proof!

Rock on, Abe ... rock on.

Felicidades

Every year I'm overwhelmed by the generosity and warm fuzzies I get from people who mean a lot to me.

My loving and lovely wife is the greatest gift I could have asked for, and she makes every day seem like a birthday. Every. Single. Day. I could never express how fortunate and how complete she makes me feel.

My family is wonderful, and I just wish we could spend more of these moments together. I've also been lucky enough to find the greatest gang of friends a guy could ask for - whether they know it or not, they're as good as family to me.

Which all means - you suckers are never getting rid of me. I'm greedy that way.

Thanks, everybody!

Iran (not so) far away

If you're a critic of the Bush administration, it's easy to fall into the thinking that there couldn't possibly be anything more that could be done to surprise you. And then, incredibly, you're proven wrong.

Every reliable poll has Bush's approval ratings in the basement. The American people are fed up with the course of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan (remember that place?), the ineffectual lip service that passes for national security (those cartoon boxes had been in Boston for two weeks before anyone even noticed) and the outright corruption and arrogance that has been a hallmark of this presidency.

But none of this has really managed to pierce the bubble that keeps Bush warm and safely distant from reality. The administration may be showing off a newfound chumminess with the Democratic party, but nothing has really changed. If it had, we wouldn't be gearing up for war with Iran.

This shouldn't be a surpise to anyone, but somehow it's still a shock. One of the commentators on this weeks' McLaughlin Group said, almost off-handedly, that the United States would be at war with Iran by this summer. The sudden sinking feeling in your stomach was enough to make you queasy.

If you don't think it could happen, if you don't think the administration could possibly be so senseless that it would stretch non-existent resources to cover yet another misguided fight on yet another front, take a look at this:

Analysis: Bush's Iran stance echoes Iraq

By Tom Raum, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - President Bush's tough new stance on Iran and his military buildup in the Persian Gulf recall some of the drumbeats that preceded the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

As then, the Bush administration is making allegations about Iran without providing proof.

It is suggesting Iran is sending weapons to Iraq, yet offering no evidence the supplies can be traced to Tehran. There are whispers, too, that Iranian intelligence agents were behind the recent abduction and execution of five U.S. soldiers.

Iran is the "axis of evil" country whose nuclear ambitions must be stopped. Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is now Bush's primary Mideast nemesis, replacing the late Saddam Hussein.

Bush's efforts to rally public support behind his harder line on Iran have many lawmakers and some from the intelligence and defense world wondering if it is a prelude to military activity.

Try not to be surprised when we hear the bombs are falling in Iran.

And then try not to be ashamed.

Mordida! Mordida!

Who had a birthday?

This guy had a birthday!

Hooray! Happy birthday, Tom!

Todos quieren y aman el futbol

OK, Lopez! - let the smack-talk begin!

MLS, Mexican First Division clubs to compete in SuperLiga

LOS ANGELES (TICKER) -- The commissioners of Major League Soccer and the Mexican First Division on Saturday announced the formation of SuperLiga, a tournament involving four clubs from each league that will compete this summer for a $1 million first prize.

Modeled after the widely popular UEFA Champions League, the SuperLiga will include a group phase and knockout phase, with all games being held in U.S. venues from July 24-August 29.
...

Group A will consist of MLS clubs FC Dallas and the Los Angeles Galaxy and Mexican teams CD Guadalajara and CF Pachuca. Group B will contain D.C. United and the Houston Dynamo of MLS and Club America and Monarcas Morelia of the Mexican league.

"Given the great soccer rivalry between the two countries, we strongly believe SuperLiga will be a great international soccer tournament," Mexican commissioner Decio de Maria said. "Featuring the top teams in both leagues, SuperLiga will become an instant favorite among the millions of soccer fans in Mexico and U.S."

All I know is that, considering the teams chosen for the tournament, it's obvious everyone's afraid of my Tecos.

Frozen treat

It looks like our three-day vacation ends tomorrow with higher temperatures, but it was fun while it lasted. Of course it wasn't fun for everyone, but for me and Lopez! it meant lots of snacking, TV and lounging around in pajamas. And no work - yay!

For a place that seems to have 364 days of summer heat, this much ice outside of a beer cooler is freaky.


While I was taking pictures from our apartment balcony (I could only stand in one corner - the rest was slick and I couldn't be bothered to change out of my no-weather slippers), I noticed this light, tinkling sound. It turned out to be the iced-over branches of a tree clacking together in the breeze, and I stood out there a little longer just to listen to it.


Then I got my frozen ass back inside.

Can you feel the love?

Behold! Praised be Electric Jesus!

(Seen at a booth in the Rio Grande Mall in Ciudad Juarez over the holidays)

Fun with conspiracy

I really doubt one thing has to do with the other, but isn't it a weird coincidence that Austin's Congress Avenue is covered with about 60 dead birds on the same morning that an unexplained smell of gas blankets most of New York City?

I'm sure glad we got that "War on Terror" thing knocked out we don't have to worry about this sort of thing anymore.

In the meantime, has anyone checked Area 51?

Thanks a pantsload, Santa

Well, that's just great!

The entire time we were in El Paso the weathermen kept saying, "It's gonna snow, it's gonna snow." It got cold as hell (the desert can be a special kind of brisk at night, especially during winter), but no snow. Nothin'.

So of course it snows the day after we leave. According to my mom, it's big-ass flakes like she hasn't seen in 30 friggin' years. And yes, that's a quote.

Kids are making snowmen, for God's sake. If I see anyone here in Austin wearing shorts, I'm gonna punch 'em right in the snowballs.

Took him long enough

Bush: Iraq insurgents hurt U.S. efforts

By Terence Hunt, AP White House correspondent

WASHINGTON - Summing up a year of set-backs, President Bush conceded Wednesday that insurgents in Iraq thwarted U.S. efforts at “establishing security and stability throughout the country.”

This must have killed him. I bet you could hear little brain cells popping from the strain throughout the West Wing.

And all it took was nearly four years and almost 3,000 American lives.

You're gonna crap thunder

God help me - I think we have to watch this.

When I heard about "Rocky Balboa," I thought it was a joke. Stallone was going to make another Rocky movie? Why? There's nothing left to say, and you've already stolen any dignity left in the property. And hey, Sly ... you're ooooooooooooollld.

Normally, I'm an unapologetic Rocky fan. I still tear up when Rocky calls out to Adrian, and I hate commies all over again when Drago kills Apollo. I openly weep when Mickey dies. Even when the movies became more and more cornball, I still loved the Rocky series.

Well, except for "Rocky V" - what a piece of crap that was. I refuse to even link to that steaming pile. And of course, that movie was the first thing I thought of when I heard about "Rocky Balboa." Why would I want to watch Stallone trot out his aging Italian Stallion one more time, along with his apparently oversized ego? Rocky was brain-damaged in the last one, so what could we expect in the latest installment - two hours of drooling?

But, I bargained with myself, I did see all of the movies in the theater, and I hate to let a perfect record go to waste. And it is Rocky.

And then, I was watching the trailer the other day and it had a line that just totally sold me on the whole thing. Duke (Apollo's original corner man, and total bad-ass) is telling Rocky what they'll need to do if they want to have any chance at a comeback, and it doesn't sound good:

To beat this guy, you need speed; you don't have it. You've got calcium deposits on most of your joints, so sparring is out.

Damn, Duke - is there any good news?

So what we'll be calling on is blunt. Force. Trauma. Heavy-duty punches that will rattle his ancestors.

And then Duke raises both fists like they were hammers and says:

Let's start building some hurtin'-bombs.

I was wrong - we need to watch this.

Favorite Panel Friday takes a hike

Looking for comic book-goodness? Thanks to your support and encouragement (and the awesome coding skills of E), it can now be found right here.

We now return to our regularly scheduled Bean. Mmm-mm ... delicious!

Pickle-tickle

Has anyone else ever heard of this? Apparently, you hide a pickle ornament somewhere on the Christmas tree and it's good luck for the person who finds it.

Who the hell thought up the idea of a "Christmas Pickle?" Would a pickle chip count? Does Hannukah get a gherkin or what?

Either way I feel obligated to do it this year, if for no other reason than to be able to say, "I put my pickle in your tree."

In flight

The downside to the sudden roller coaster-dip in the weather is that it's been a surprise to the local wildlife, too.

As we were leaving the building this morning on our way to work, we saw something at the end of the walk. I thought it was a kid's coat or sweater. Lopez thought it was the neighbor's stray cat, which he's been feeding for a few months. It turned out to be a hawk, compact and muscular and dead. Lying there on the concrete, it was still beautiful, as magnificent as it was sad.

Making sure there was nothing we could do for it, we left it there, figuring the people running the office would be better equipped to deal with it than we were. Then, getting into the car, Lopez noticed something.

Huddled next to the tire of the car next to us was a tiny sparrow, puffed up and motionless. I went to take a look at it, and it turned its little head toward me. It was alive.

We took a box from the trunk, and while Lopez crumpled up newspapers I picked the bird up in a piece of cloth. It fluttered its wings, but couldn't take off. We gently put the bird in the box, covering the top with a paper bag.

Driving across the street, we stopped to pick up some breakfast on the way to work, which took about 10 minutes. We got back into the car and Lopez asked, "How's the birdie doing?"

I checked and said, "Oh." The sparrow had died, wrapped in cloth and nestled in newspaper.

I told Lopez, "At least he died comfortable, and not on the street."

Lopez sighed. Then she said, "Poor babies."

Favorite Panel Friday says nyet!

Damn, GL - slapping Russians around with a giant bear ... that's kind of an ironic bitch-slap, isn't it?

I've mentioned before how Green Lantern has always been a front-runner on my top-heroes list, and this panel from Green Lantern #15 sums up why. When I say "Green Lantern" I'm talking about Hal Jordan, and in the classic Silver and Bronze Age interpretations you could always count on some visually wacky action to go along with Hal's charming brand of dickery. Seriously, using the most powerful weapon in the universe to bop someone with a glowing mallet? That's just rubbing it in.

In the newish run written by Geoff Johns and pencilled by Ivan Reis, that version of Green Lantern has been updated while rediscovering all the things that gave Hal his personality - hard-headedness, bravery, nobility, a rakishness that implied he was considering stealing your girlfriend after he was done handing you your ass. Basically, what a normal person might act like if they fell into their own super-powers. Say what you will about Johns and what he's done with the DC universe lately, but he understands characters and is able to elevate and humanize them all at once.

It doesn't hurt that Reis' art is gorgeous, following in the style of Rags Morales and Patrick Gleason. It's perfect for the blend of spandex and science fiction that a Green Lantern title should be; kinetic and detailed without being busy or distracting. And I don't usually mention it, but the inking by Oclair Albert and coloring by Moose Baumann is top-notch, enhancing the whole thing.

But seriously, what's Hal gonna do next - box Australians with a giant kangaroo? Wait a minute ... I think he already might've ...

Green Lantern #15: Geoff Johns, writer; Ivan Reis, artist; Oclair Albert, inker; Moose Baumann, colorist

Finally!

After 11 months of summer, the heat broke at last. You'll hear native Austinites get expansive about the heat and humidity with something like a deranged pride, drinking coffee while they slap around everywhere in their flip-flops.

But even they were were starting to sound desperate and everyone was wondering if it was ever going to get cold.

Apparently, you don't mess with Mother Nature because she's a fickle chick - it was 80 degrees the day before the temperature dropped like a prom dress to the 40s.

So what? So I finally got to wear this*:


Ear-flaps included! Oh yeah, I look like a goofball - but my melon is warmed by a blend of polyester and memories of Cloudcroft, and it finally feels like Fall around here. I guess I won't be starting a one-man riot and changing my name to Mookie after all.

Now if we could just get those yahoos to stop with the flip-flops already.