Hey, good-lookin'

Look who took a whirl at making an avatar - yay Lopez!!

Los Siiiimp-soooooons!

So, an accurate depiction of yours truly in Springfield? You make the call!

By the way, this was done by using the avatar creator at the movie home page and then taking a screen shot (I didn't feel like registering for something I'd use once). If you feel like joining in on the fun, that'd be swell.

Now who's got the squishees?

Hell of a commute

I give up.

How do you even fight such blatant corruption and cronyism? How do you stand up against someone who is essentially a retarded bully who not only doesn't care what's right or wrong or what the people he obstensibly serves want, but instead serves only his own malformed concept of loyalty and duty to self.

I hope it's obvious that I've been talking about George Bush.

Congratulations, you evil, empty shell of a man - I feel broken. By commuting the sentence of Lewis Libby on felony charges, and leaving the door opent to a possible future pardon, you've practically destroyed what little faith I had left in America and what it's supposed to represent. The law means nothing to you, except as something to be bent and twisted to your needs.

I don't care that he's on probation - that's meaningless. I don't care that he has to pay a fine of $250,000 - he's got the money, and if he doesn't have it now he's still got those buddies of his who raised million ... MILLIONS ... to support his case and push for that full pardon. And I especially don't care that his reputation is supposedly "irreparably damaged" or that his career as a lawyer could be over - that is the least someone convicted of lying in court and obstruction of justice should suffer.

I'm not surprised, really. And that's what bothers me: I've come to expect the worst from the president of my country, and little better from my government. And it bothers me that whatever I think - or whatever any other citizen or activist group says, or whatever empty rhetoric any politician coughs up - doesn't mean anything.

Not a damn thing.

Image: Associated Press

Lo siento, Mexico

The final game of the CONCACAF tournament was yesterday, and let's just say that as a native of Mexico ... Lopez! is pissed!

It might be because I keep dancing around the apartment chanting, "U-S-A! U-S-A!"

Whooooo! In spite of all the naysayers, the US was the better team (ha!) and beat Mexico 2-1 to take home the Gold Cup, leaving Mexico to sob into the tricolores and plan the lynching of their coach, Hugo Sanchez.

Oh man, does Lopez! hate that dude. He talked a lot of smack before he was named coach, and since then has managed to create a team of primadonnas who seem disinterested in scoring on the field. Not to mention he looks like a pudgy Tom Jones, so he's got that against him, too. Plus, he's got that annoying tendency Mexican fans have of making excuses and being unwilling to admit they lost. This is what Sanchez said after the game:

"When you lose doing what we did, you can't be sad," Mexico coach Hugo Sanchez said. "It bothers me, sure. But when you look at how we did in the tournament, we got a lot better and we deserved a better result. Sometimes the team that plays better doesn't always win."

Gah!

And I have to admit - I used to hate Landon Donovan. He was pretty full of himself, but didn't follow-through enough to earn it. But lately he seems to have matured, focused and become a real team leader, which is what the US team needs. On top of that, Mexico despises Donovan, so you know that's gotta be satisfying.

Don't get me wrong - I love the Mexican team, and when I'm not rooting for the US I'm all about Mexico. But for now, well ... I think it's time for another victory dance.

U-S-A! U-S-A!

Hey, Pickle!!

Have you ever seen Idiocracy? It's not as good as Office Space, but it's a solid offering from Mike Judge that runs with the premise that society is virtually in ruins in the future because, well, stupid people tend to breed more. And they tend to eat more junk food and energy drinks.

Don't sweat it, stupid people! It's really a statement on our American society in general, since the world basically operates as if everyone is living in a reality show.

Ow. I just hurt my brain.

Anyway, this is all a long way to say this: Earlier, Lopez and I were talking about this, and she said it just supports her argument that Idiocracy might not be that far-fetched.

Ladies and gentlemen, in our continuing quest to bring you the latest in pickle news, I give you what some call:

THE KOOLICKLE

Oh yeah!

Because everyone knows that dill pickles have been crying out for an intensive Kool-Aid injection. And yes, small child, I will try Hot Cheetos and ice cream. At this point, why the hell not?

I just hope I don't go into sugar-shock while eating my Koolickle. Being found with one in my grip - or God forbid, my mouth - might be embarrassing.

Shit. Now I can't stop saying "Koolickle."

Ny ... Nyarlathotep?

I think I might be reading too much Lovecraft.

I was sitting in a meeting and eating some chocolate someone brought. The wrappers had playful little messages in them like, "You look good in red," and, "Take a bubble-bath." I opened one up and it said:


And the first thing I thought of was forest cabins and brains in metallic cylinders.

Yeah ... it might be time to re-read a Harry Potter book or something.

Like a rocket

One of the many things I love about Austin is its tendency to bolt wacky sculptures to its buildings. There's the Mangia dinosaur (now stalking the roof of the Wheatsville Co-op), the Blue Genie, the pumped-up arm of that gym on Guadalupe, the tentaskull on Burnet, and a ton more.

There's even water heater rockets, blasting off to parts unknown, looking for the next adventure. And that, really, kind of sums up what it's like living in this town.

(Seen on St. John's Avenue, near North Lamar and 183)

Brace yourself

Guess who got her braces off this Wednesday?


Yay for Lopez! Let's go get some roasted corn and candy apples!

The scene in Virginia

It's human nature to try to find meaning in seemingly random, horrific situations. We don't understand why a young man felt he had to walk across the Virginia Tech campus and open fire, killing 32 people and then himself. We probably will never know.

That's not going to stop us from asking questions, of course. But we have to remember something: 32 people are dead. The rampant speculation - much of it generated by the media in its rush to "get the story" - is creating a large amount of heat while shedding precious little light.

Let's stop guessing. Stop trying to place blame, and figure out how to fix things for the future. Realize that sometimes you can't plan for the unthinkable and the irrational. Yes, there were clues and warning signs throughout the past years - extremely disturbing clues - but these things often don't have meaning in and of themselves until you're given a horrible reason to add them all together.

We do need insight into what led to the tragic murders at Virginia Tech. We do need to understand why the lives of 32 people were suddenly, needlessly ended. But stop pawing blindly at any stray mote, and don't try to add meaning where there is none.

Carrasco is right: Trying to now blame movies, and in the process showing your own cultural ignorance, is lazy, it's foolish, and it's beside the point. Movies - or video games, Web sites, books or whatever will be picked up on next - aren't to blame for the deaths of 32 people on a college campus; that lies with a single, sociopathic gunman, and we shouldn't lose sight of that.

This teacup ride is making me sick

Keep an ear out and listen for this latest bit of rhetoric to come out of the Bush administration. I'll bet my "dirty liberal" membership card that they will begin beating this drum hard, telling Iraq - and by extension, the American people - that we never promised to send more troops or to actually clean up the mess we made.

Instead, the administration will first make it seem as if Iraqis are responsible for the problems in Iraq, and then will try to say the idea of not sending more troops was their idea in the first place.

This is how the spin begins, with distraction and misinformation.

And call me paranoid, but do you think there was any coincidence that this happened the same day Alberto Gonzalez began testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee?


Gates in Iraq to spur reconciliation

By Lolita C. Baldor
Associated Press

BAGHDAD, Iraq - Defense Secretary Robert Gates slipped into Iraq Thursday to warn Iraqi leaders that the U.S. commitment to a military buildup there is not open-ended.

Gates said the political tumult in Washington over financing the military presence in Iraq shows that both the American public and the Bush administration are running out of patience with the war. He was speaking to reporters in Israel just before his quick flight to Baghdad.

"I would like to see faster progress," he said, adding that momentum by the Iraqi government on political reconciliation as well as legislation on sharing oil revenue would "begin the process to send a message that the leaders are beginning to work together."

He said that, in turn, would create an environment in which violence could be reduced.

Underscoring the urgency in controlling the violence, police said a suicide car bomber rammed into a fuel truck in central Baghdad only hours before Gates' arrival, killing at least 11 people. The attack came a day after one of the bloodiest days in Baghdad since the U.S. troop increase began nine weeks ago, with four strikes killing more than 180 people.

'Hi. I'm Kurt Vonnegut'

It's always sad when we lose one of the good ones.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., was a renowned author, a dedicated humanist and, by all accounts, just generally a really nice guy with something important he had to share with you. His death yesterday - due apparently to complications from recent brain injuries sustained in a fall - leaves an empty space no one will ever really be able to fill.

For all the important ideas he produced and seeded in our psyches, it seems silly that the thing that most endeared Vonnegut to me was his cameo appearance in Back to School. At one point, rich-guy-gone-back-to-college Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield) has hired Vonnegut to write a report on himself for a class. Vonnegut shows up to drop off the report, and in a later scene the teacher gives Thornton an "F" and tells him:

Diane: Whoever did write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!

[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton: [on the phone] ... and another thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the check!

[Kurt, unheard, responds]
Thornton: Fuck me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips? Fuck you! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!

[hangs up]

For some reason, I think Vonnegut must've gotten a kick out of that.

'Which order are we talking about?'

I've got to admit, I like Barack Obama and it's almost completely for superficial reasons. He comes off as a hip, smart, relaxed and confident guy who says all the right things - basically, the kind of guy you'd want your daughter to date. Or hell, the sort of dude you'd want to date yourself.

But his recent comments on The Late Show with David Letterman just shot him up another 25 points on my personal Candidatetometer. You, Mr. Obama, have Evel Knievel-sized balls. You don't have the track-record some of the other candidates do, but you've got balls.

Here's a breakdown from the New York Times:

The Obama-Clinton Ticket?

By Jeff Zeleny

It’s not uncommon, at least in some Democratic circles, to ponder the possibilities of a joint presidential ticket of Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama. And in most conversations, the names are listed in precisely that order.

But when that question is raised on tonight’s Late Show with David Letterman, Senator Obama asks for a bit of clarity.

“That would be a powerful ticket,” Mr. Letterman says of the two senators. “Undeniably that would be a powerful ticket.”

Mr. Obama replies: “Which order are we talking about?”

You just know that ended with a bad night for Bill.

Image cropped from a MSNBC illustration

Weird science v.2

Yeah, I know we haven't posted anything in a while - sorry 'bout that. It's a lame excuse, but things really have been busy lately. Regular posting will begin again soon, but for now, put the needle on the record for ... SCIENCE!!!

France opens secret UFO files covering 50 years

by Marlowe Hood PARIS (AFP) - France became the first country to open its files on UFOs Thursday when the national space agency unveiled a website documenting more than 1,600 sightings spanning five decades.

The online archives, which will be updated as new cases are reported, catalogues in minute detail cases ranging from the easily dismissed to a handful that continue to perplex even hard-nosed scientists.

...

"Cases such as the lady who reported seeing an object that looked like a flying roll of toilet paper" are clearly not worth investigating, said Patenet.

But many others involving multiple sightings -- in at least one case involving thousands of people across France -- and evidence such as burn marks and radar trackings showing flight patterns or accelerations that defy the laws of physics are taken very seriously.

I saw an object that looked like a flying roll of toilet paper once, but it was after eating some bad Thai (thank you - tip your waitresses, folks!)


Conclusive proof: Vampires do not exist

The Huffington Post

Apparently some smarty-pants scientists have proven conclusively that vampires conclusively do not exist. Here's why: Each time a vampire bites someone to feed, they turn that person into a vampire, creating a cycle that doubles and doubles and doubles again, like that famous "and they told two friends, and they told two friends, and so on and so on and so on" Faberge Organics commercial from the 80's, and also like the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, and mitosis, kind of.

It's explained more smarter here:

If a single vampire fed on a single human in the first month, this would create two vampires -- and decrease the human population by one, leaving it at 536,870,911 - 1 = 536,870,910. In the second month, those two vampires would each feed, transforming two people into vampires -- so you get four vampires and a human population of 536,870,911 - 3 = 536,870,908. So you can see where this is headed. The vampire population is increasing in a geometric progression, and the population of humans is similarly decreasing -- and at that rate, the authors calculate, the entire human population would be transformed into vampires in only 30 months. QED!

So it isn't wooden stakes, sunlight or even Slayers that kill vampires - it's math. And Latin.


Bizarre hexagon spotted in Saturn’s clouds

One of the most bizarre weather patterns in the solar system has been photographed at Saturn, where astronomers have spotted a huge, six-sided feature circling the north pole.

Rather than the normally sinuous cloud structures seen on all planets that have atmospheres, this thing is a hexagon.

...

The hexagon is nearly 15,000 miles (25,000 kilometers) across. Nearly four Earths could fit inside it. The thermal imagery shows that the hexagon extends about 60 miles (100 kilometers) down into the clouds.

This is simultaneously the most disconcerting and the most awesome thing I've ever seen. I don't know what's going on with Saturn, but between this and the Eye, I think it might be a good idea to watch the skies.


Smaller Inflatable Exoskeleton

nym - This tiny girl is wearing what's called a "Power Jacket," which is an inflatable exokeleton that weighs only four pounds.

Japanese electronics giant Matsushita Electric Industrial unveils the prototype model for a "power jacket" to help patients recover from partial paralysis during rehabilitation, at the Home Care and Rehabilitation Exhibition in Tokyo.

This is cool on so, so many levels.


Scientists discover 'shadow person'

by Erica Harrison Cosmos Online

SYDNEY: Ever feel as though you're being followed? As if someone is behind you, shadowing your every move? It might be your ‘shadow person,' created by unusual activity in a specific brain region, a new study shows.

The paper, published in the British journal Nature, describes the case of a 22-year-old woman with no history of psychiatric problems who was being evaluated for treatment of epilepsy. When a region of her brain called the left temporoparietal junction was electrically stimulated, the woman described encounters with a ‘shadow person' who mimicked her bodily movements.

…

When the patient was lying down, stimulation of this brain region caused her to feel that someone was behind her. … When the patient sat up, leaned forward and clasped her knees, she felt that the figure was also sitting, embracing her in its arms - a feeling she described as "unpleasant."

Do you ever get the feeling scientists just dig the idea of poking people in the brain? Just to see what happens?

Class dismissed!

Amelie

We got this text message last night, which automatically became the best text message ever:

From: Tom

Baby Amelie is 8 lb 10 oz!! All ok.

9:08P Tue Mar13

Congratulations, Tom and Nina! We're so happy for you both, and we can't wait to meet the little piece of heaven. We love you guys, and we already love your daughter.

Hooray for Tom and Nina! Yay for Amelie!!

El Paso agents - activate!

It was during a visit with some friends from El Paso that we heard the news: People's Emporium had shut down.

Apparently this happened a while ago, but it was news to me. I think it was also more of a shock to me than to Lopez! because it had been one of my El Paso touchstones, one of those things that was so "El Paso," but at the same time almost out of step with the city just out of its sheer weirdness.

Imagine being a young kid, living in a part of the city that makes trips to the Downtown area seem like a rare treat. For me, this is where the action was: the main library branch, which for me always had the same spiritual vibe as a Gothic church; my aunt's bookstore; the medical building where Mom worked; the bars my dad frequented and where my sister and I would pretend to play shuffleboard and pool. And of course, People's Emporium.

It wasn't until later that I was really aware of A-1 Costumes on the second floor, with its wonderfully creaky wooden stairway and musty, heigh-ceilinged area crammed with spirit gum, latex masks and cheap bald-caps. For me, it was all about the enormous first floor, an odd cramming together of a used bookstore, a novelty shop and an occult back-room.

My parents practically had to drag me out of there every single time.

It didn't hurt that the building itself was unique. Square in the heart of the Five Points neighborhood, People's Emporium occupied a large wedge of brick painted a red that bordered on lurid, at least in my imagination.

Maybe that's what I loved so much about the place; it was somewhere my imagination could run wild, snatching up sci-fi paperbacks with one hand and fingering smoothly polished gemstones with the other, magic crackling in the grip of both. If I could steal a peek at a half-dressed woman preserved forever at the bottom of a glass ashtray, my trip could be considered a complete success.

When I heard that the Emporium had closed down, I have to admit my heart broke a little. It was one of those things a person just assumed, naively, would always be there. I still made periodic trips as an adult, either to prowl the aisles of the bookstore or to pick up some face-paint for that year's Halloween costume. It never occured to me that my last trip there would also be my final trip ever to what I considered a local landmark.

I can't help feeling as if we - me and El Paso - have lost something. Maybe not something particularly important, but certainly something special.

So here's a special request to my pals in El Paso: Does anyone have any information about the closing? Did it make the paper? Is there any chance anybody out there has a photo of the building? And while you're at it, do you have any memories you'd like to share?

For myself, I know I'll be taking a lot of pictures around town the next time I'm in El Paso - just in case.

Be a dude

Hello, Public-at-Large - I've got a favor to ask. I know it's awkward, and it seems silly to even bring it up, but if you notice that I've got something hanging out of my nose can you please tell me?

Yes, it can be a little uncomfortable. But believe me, the ripple of embarrassment you feel is nothing compared to the groaning chagrin that comes from catching a reflection of yourself and noticing a righteous nose-goblin gripping the rim of your nostril.

Come on - I'd do it for you.

I've never understood this attitude of it somehow being better if everyone just pretends somthing's not there. Dont' be a jerk about it, but wouldn't it be better to have a moment of polite discomfort rather than look into a mirror and wonder, "How long has THAT been there?"

So I'm asking you - as a fellow member of society, as someone who's been there, as a friend - let me know if you see bats in the cave. Lopez! can't be on boogie-duty all the time.

By the way ... I came down with a cold this morning, so someone's going to have to pull a double-shift.

Happy birthday, Abe!

I've always said Lincoln kicked ass, what with preserving the Union, freeing the slaves and being an icon of honor and justice in desperate times. And now here's more proof!

Rock on, Abe ... rock on.

Felicidades

Every year I'm overwhelmed by the generosity and warm fuzzies I get from people who mean a lot to me.

My loving and lovely wife is the greatest gift I could have asked for, and she makes every day seem like a birthday. Every. Single. Day. I could never express how fortunate and how complete she makes me feel.

My family is wonderful, and I just wish we could spend more of these moments together. I've also been lucky enough to find the greatest gang of friends a guy could ask for - whether they know it or not, they're as good as family to me.

Which all means - you suckers are never getting rid of me. I'm greedy that way.

Thanks, everybody!

Iran (not so) far away

If you're a critic of the Bush administration, it's easy to fall into the thinking that there couldn't possibly be anything more that could be done to surprise you. And then, incredibly, you're proven wrong.

Every reliable poll has Bush's approval ratings in the basement. The American people are fed up with the course of the war in Iraq and Afghanistan (remember that place?), the ineffectual lip service that passes for national security (those cartoon boxes had been in Boston for two weeks before anyone even noticed) and the outright corruption and arrogance that has been a hallmark of this presidency.

But none of this has really managed to pierce the bubble that keeps Bush warm and safely distant from reality. The administration may be showing off a newfound chumminess with the Democratic party, but nothing has really changed. If it had, we wouldn't be gearing up for war with Iran.

This shouldn't be a surpise to anyone, but somehow it's still a shock. One of the commentators on this weeks' McLaughlin Group said, almost off-handedly, that the United States would be at war with Iran by this summer. The sudden sinking feeling in your stomach was enough to make you queasy.

If you don't think it could happen, if you don't think the administration could possibly be so senseless that it would stretch non-existent resources to cover yet another misguided fight on yet another front, take a look at this:

Analysis: Bush's Iran stance echoes Iraq

By Tom Raum, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - President Bush's tough new stance on Iran and his military buildup in the Persian Gulf recall some of the drumbeats that preceded the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

As then, the Bush administration is making allegations about Iran without providing proof.

It is suggesting Iran is sending weapons to Iraq, yet offering no evidence the supplies can be traced to Tehran. There are whispers, too, that Iranian intelligence agents were behind the recent abduction and execution of five U.S. soldiers.

Iran is the "axis of evil" country whose nuclear ambitions must be stopped. Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is now Bush's primary Mideast nemesis, replacing the late Saddam Hussein.

Bush's efforts to rally public support behind his harder line on Iran have many lawmakers and some from the intelligence and defense world wondering if it is a prelude to military activity.

Try not to be surprised when we hear the bombs are falling in Iran.

And then try not to be ashamed.

Mordida! Mordida!

Who had a birthday?

This guy had a birthday!

Hooray! Happy birthday, Tom!