Farewell, Dungeon Master

I know I said I was tired of obits, but I couldn't let the death of Dungeons & Dragons co-creator Gary Gygax just go by without comment.

Even if you don't game, you've more than likely felt the influence of the granddaddy of role-playing games. I only started playing myself a few years ago (I could never find anyone who actually knew how to run a game), but it was the sort of thing you just sort of knew about, even if it was in a roundabout way. In the same way Robert E. Howard's Conan influenced the makers of D&D, D&D influenced other media.

If you're old enough (or geeky enough) you might remember the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, which is still one of my favorites. When I was a teenager I also played a lot of Gauntlet — I always chose the barbarian — and of course there were tons of movies and books that owed a lot to D&D. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a Dungeons & Dragons-inspired script floating around Hollywood right now. And even today, right this second, there's a d20 hanging from the zipper on my messenger bag.

I haven't played D&D for a few months now, and I miss it. I like hanging out with friends and doing something that's inherently silly but also creative, imaginative and just fun. Gary Gygax deserves thanks for giving people a way to do that.

He got a bigger boat

Like a lot of people, I was sad to hear Roy Scheider died yesterday after fighting multiple myeloma — a type of blood cancer — for the past three years. His death was kind of a surprise to me, because I hadn't heard anything about him being sick and I had no idea he was 75.

I'm pretty sure he still could've kicked my ass.

Thanks, of course, to Jaws, Scheider was one of my favorite actors, even if he wouldn't have come immediately to mind if anyone had asked. But looking at his filmography I realized that he was not only an actor I was always glad to see on-screen, he was also in a lot of movies I really, really enjoy.

Jaws might've been where I first saw Scheider, but I also thought he was great in the underappreciated 2010. And I tend to hate all those '70s-era "I'm-a-performer-and-I'm-gonna-make-it!" movies, but I'll give All That Jazz a break due to Scheider's intense turn as a Broadway choreographer. He was in a ton of other movies, some good (The French Connection, Marathon Man) and some not as good (Dracula II, anyone?), but he never just phoned it in.

Just recently me and Lopez were watching Law & Order: CI and up popped Scheider and holy crap was he creepy! Seriously, he freaked us out, and he did it with this small, quietly menacing bit of acting on what is now basically a cable cop show. It made us appreciate him as an actor all over again.

I'd guess that one of the cable movie channels is going to have some sort of Scheider retrospective, which means poor Lopez is going to have to sit through yet another viewing of Jaws, and probably 2010, too. If we're lucky, someone will dig out Blue Thunder.

Photo nabbed from The Shark Is Still Working

69 years of pure Evel

As a kid in the 70s, I grew up with a unique kind of hero. There were still the astronauts, the firemen and SWAT cops, but above all there were the stuntmen.

It may have been a golden age for these daredevils, with TV specials and movies bringing them out of the background and into the spotlight. I remember growing up watching men rocketing their motorcycles over cars and through flaming rings, and women blowing themselves up in crates packed with dynamite. My toy box included the Evel Knievel stunt cycle, which you'd crank until it shot out across the floor and, appropriately enough, would usually crash spectacularly and send its helmeted rider flying. Somewhere I still have a Hot Wheels version of the Skycycle he rode down to the bottom of Snake River Canyon.

Hard-drinkin', hard-lovin' and just plain hard-livin', these men and women were with me as I jumped my bicycle off curbs and down ditches filled with cattails. But none stood as tall as Knievel.

For me, and for a lot of people (I think it'd be safe to call him the Godfather of Extreme Sports), Knievel was King. And now, after almost 40 broken bones and countless feats of daring, the King is dead at 69, ongoing illness being the one crash-landing he couldn't bounce back from.

Here's to you, Evel Knievel — thanks for showing me that a life without risk isn't worth living, and death is nothing to fear. You might not have had a perfect life, but you sure lived the hell out of it.

---

I don't remember where I heard it, but here's a riddle for you.

Q: Why didn't Evel Knievel make it across Snake River Canyon?

A: He was weighed down by his enormous balls.

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Speaking of Snake River, here's some video, too:

Evel Knievel's Caesar's Palace jump (and legendary wipeout)!

Big Mack attack!

Snake River Canyon!

And this is just awesome.

'A straight line is not the shortest distance between two points ...'

I was sad to read today that Madeleine L'Engle, author of A Wrinkle in Time and many other novels, died yesterday at the age of 88.

L'Engles' Wrinkle was probably the first full-on science fiction book I ever read, or at least it's the earliest I can specifically remember (A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court might have barely beaten it). And man, did it have an impact.

I must have been around 10 or so, and here was my first introduction to concepts like the space/time continuum, wormholes (though they weren't called that in the book) and planes of existence occupying different dimensions than our own. I must have read A Wrinkle in Time two or three times in a row, and then several more times over the years.

On top of the heavy dose of scientific theory, there was the compellingly creepy theme on the evils of conformity. Even now, there are two things that have stuck with me most from the book; Mrs Whatsit folding her apron to explain a space/time wormhole (the title's "wrinkle in time") and the frighteningly soulless and ordered planet where the kid's father is being held. When the heroes of Wrinkle first get there, the come upon a street lined with gray houses that's empty until, suddenly and with perfect precision, every door opens and a child comes out. Here's a taste of what weirded me out:

"As the skipping rope hit the pavement, so did the ball. As the rope curved over the head of the jumping child, the child with the ball caught the ball. Down came the ropes. Down came the balls. Over and over again. Up. Down. All in rhythm. All identical. Like the houses. Like the paths. Like the flowers."

Guh - it still gives me the creeps.

While looking for a link for background on A Wrinkle in Time, I realized I had completely forgotten about the religious overtones of the story. I'd have to re-read it (and its follow-ups, which are also good), but I remember it being kind of innocuous for the most part. It's definitely there, but it doesn't get in the way of a great story about free-thinking, relativity and the power of love. If you haven't read it, give it a try - you won't be sorry.

Thanks, Madeleine L'Engle - you introduced me to things I still think about today; and whenever I'm explaining a wormhole to someone, I still use your apron as an example.

'Hi. I'm Kurt Vonnegut'

It's always sad when we lose one of the good ones.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., was a renowned author, a dedicated humanist and, by all accounts, just generally a really nice guy with something important he had to share with you. His death yesterday - due apparently to complications from recent brain injuries sustained in a fall - leaves an empty space no one will ever really be able to fill.

For all the important ideas he produced and seeded in our psyches, it seems silly that the thing that most endeared Vonnegut to me was his cameo appearance in Back to School. At one point, rich-guy-gone-back-to-college Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield) has hired Vonnegut to write a report on himself for a class. Vonnegut shows up to drop off the report, and in a later scene the teacher gives Thornton an "F" and tells him:

Diane: Whoever did write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!

[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton: [on the phone] ... and another thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the check!

[Kurt, unheard, responds]
Thornton: Fuck me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips? Fuck you! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!

[hangs up]

For some reason, I think Vonnegut must've gotten a kick out of that.

"No, I'm all right ..."

I'm a little late with this, but hey, he's a little late too.

C'mon, it's just a joke.

Anyway, I'd have to hand over my geek membership card (laminated!) if I didn't mention the passing of William Hootkins, a character actor probably best remembered as "Red Six" - also known as "the fat guy who blows up attacking the Death Star" - in the original "Star Wars." I didn't know this, but the character's name was Jek Porkins, which is unfortunate.

I also didn't know that Hootkins popped up in a bunch of movies from the nerd's must-see list. In addition to Red Six, he also played Munson (Zarkov's lab assistant) in "Flash Gordon," Major Eaton in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (he's one of the government guys telling Indy about the Ark in the beginning of the movie), and the slimey bad-cop Eckhardt in "Batman." If he'd somehow managed to get himself in one of the "Lord of the Rings" movies, we'd be building his monument right now.

In honor of Hootkins, who died of pancreatic cancer Oct. 23, 2005, , here are some quotes from his most memorable roles. Oh, and apparently he was big in England, too.

Red Six: I got a problem here.
Biggs: Eject!
Red Six: I can hold it.
Biggs: Pull up!
Red Six: No, I'm all right... ahhh!
[Porkin's fighter explodes in a ball of fire]

[Munson refuses to go aboard Zarkov's space ship]
Doctor Hans Zarkov: I swear, Munson, I'll shoot!
Munson: Get shot or go up in that thing? What's the difference?
Doctor Hans Zarkov: This way, you'll be giving your life to save the Earth! Haven't you any spirit at all?
Munson: NO!

[looking at an old picture of the Ark]
Colonel Musgrove: Now, what's that supposed to be coming out of there?
Indiana: Lightning. Fire. The power of God or something.
Major Eaton: I'm beginning to understand Hitler's interest in this.

Knox: You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...
Eckhardt: And I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.