Heinz sours on famous pickle logo

Pickle news!

The H.J. Heinz Co., famous for its 57 varieties and various picnic condiments, decided last month to yank the famous gherkin logo from its bottles of ketchup.

What do you mean, "What famous gherkin logo?"

For the last 110 years, Heinz products have featured a tiny image of a pickle on its labels, hearkening back to the second — and arguably, most famous — condiment the company made (horseradish was the first, but who wants to look at a bowl of horseradish?). But now, Heinz is replacing the gherkin on its ketchup bottles with a tomato and the phrase, "Grown, not made."

I have no problems with tomatoes in general, but there's something to be said for tradition. And what bugs me most is the idea that a tomato is supposed to somehow translate to "organic" AND that marketers think we need a picture to remind us of what's actually in a bottle of ketchup.

Attention, Heinz: I KNOW KETCHUP IS MADE FROM TOMATOES.

I'm not going to become suddenly confused when, while squirting the red stuff on my hot dog (not a euphemism), I see a pickle on the bottle. "Oh, no!" I'll cry, "Somehow this condiment that even two year old children recognize has transformed into a bottle of pickle sauce. How could this be? Oh, why didn't I see that pickle warning label sooner?!"

Bah. Do you realize the gherkin was synonymous with Heinz at one time? Some folks know this and have launched a no doubt doomed-to-failure Facebook push to save the pickle. It's a nice thought (and at least they're doing something about it), but I doubt Heinz will backtrack. Pickle-haters.

I'm not really upset that the logo is changing — it'll still be on other products — but what bothers me is just the dumbness behind it. Once upon a time, the company used to hand out little "pickle pins" to people so that when they saw a pickle, they'd think of Heinz. Now when I see a tomato on their ketchup labels, I'll be thinking of who to throw one at.


(And yes, I also wanted to use the phrase, "yank the famous gherkin.")

Hey electorate, can you do me a solid?

Dear America,

Tomorrow is Election Day, and I have a few favors to ask:

Don't be stupid.

Don't be racist.

Don't be hypocritical.

Don't be petty.

Thank you.

But they've got lapel flags and yellow-ribbon stickers, so it's OK

Because nothing says you love America like subverting one of its most basic principles and a cornerstone of democracy:

Can GOP Voters Spoil the Dem Race?

By Hilary Hylton

As if Democrats didn't have enough problems deciding upon their presidential nominee this year, now they must contend with the possibility that Republicans are deliberately crossing party lines to prolong the bitterly contested race between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. In recent weeks, conservative talk radio stars Rush Limbaugh and Laura Ingraham have urged loyal listeners to vote for the much-despised Clinton in open Democratic primaries so as to prevent Obama from sealing the nomination, and there are some indications that their calls have already been heeded in states like Texas and Mississippi.

Here's the quote that made my gut twist.

"As Republican participation increased, Hillary got more votes," Mann said. Some of them came from Allison Cavey's family. "My whole family actually voted for Hillary in the Texas primaries and we are all McCain supporters," said Cavey, 32, a Dallas resident who works for a medical software company. "We all thought it would be easier to beat Hillary in the fall. Also, we all agreed that if for some reason a Democrat won the election we would be better off with Hillary than Obama ... scary thought!"

I just have one question: What is WRONG with you people?! Do you really think it's just been seven years of George Bush farting rainbows and rose petals? Stop acting like a bunch of brainless, adolescent gangsters and do the right thing. If you can't handle even that much, at least stop doing the WRONG thing.

Gah - read the whole article if you think you can do it without your head exploding.

The problem with journalism today

"I don't know what that has to do
with the product."

— UT Austin journalism student at a Jim Lehrer lecture last night, regarding what the student considered a professor's overemphasis on interviewing skills.

The Worst Soup in the World

I didn't have much for lunch today, but you know what? That's OK, because the alternative would have been to eat the entire container of Dr. McDougall's Vegan Minestrone and Pasta soup, which is so bad I can't even think of a simile for it.

Vegan food can be good, but maybe that's just the freshly made stuff because I can tell you that this cup of instant soup is so bad that I would not be surprised if you told me the Devil himself squatted over cardboard containers all day just to put this product on the shelves. Is this why you vegans tend to be grumpy? I would be too if this was the kind of crap I had to eat.

And don't get me wrong - this isn't an anti-vegan rant. I eat everything and I've put some truly foul things in my mouth. But this ... good God ... I didn't even pay for it and I feel ripped off.

Lopez and I forgot lunch today, so we borrowed these cups of caca from a coworker (who claims they're "good," by the way). Our first hint of things to come? When Lopez had her first spoonful and said, "Tastes fishy."

Lopez thought the MINESTRONE TASTED FISHY!

It was all downhill from there. The beans and vegetables never rehydrated, and instead became little dried-out bombs of ick. The "flavor mix" tended to hide in the pasta shells, waiting to unleash the full force of the soups' strangely chemical taste. There was something in there that could have been barley, or just as easily could have have been Styrofoam. No, wait - I've tasted Styrofoam, and it wasn't this bad.

In the end I could only eat the broth, and even then it was a struggle. With every bite I became more pissed, as if this soup had personally committed an affront to me and my entire family, and then smacked me in the back of the head with a dead 'possum. Lopez didn't eat much more, and she loves soup.

We shared a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Coke with "lunch." We later both had a handful of Reese's Pieces.

I CAN STILL TASTE THAT GODDAMN SOUP!

This soup was so bad I felt compelled to warn everyone about it, like it was Attila's horde or an impromptu Yanni concert. If you have the opportunity to eat this soup, I'd recommend you catch a squirrel and then use it to scrape up some unidentifiable roadkill in a toxic swamp instead. It would be better than Dr. Death's Vegan Minestrone and Evil soup.

It would have to be better.

Hell of a commute

I give up.

How do you even fight such blatant corruption and cronyism? How do you stand up against someone who is essentially a retarded bully who not only doesn't care what's right or wrong or what the people he obstensibly serves want, but instead serves only his own malformed concept of loyalty and duty to self.

I hope it's obvious that I've been talking about George Bush.

Congratulations, you evil, empty shell of a man - I feel broken. By commuting the sentence of Lewis Libby on felony charges, and leaving the door opent to a possible future pardon, you've practically destroyed what little faith I had left in America and what it's supposed to represent. The law means nothing to you, except as something to be bent and twisted to your needs.

I don't care that he's on probation - that's meaningless. I don't care that he has to pay a fine of $250,000 - he's got the money, and if he doesn't have it now he's still got those buddies of his who raised million ... MILLIONS ... to support his case and push for that full pardon. And I especially don't care that his reputation is supposedly "irreparably damaged" or that his career as a lawyer could be over - that is the least someone convicted of lying in court and obstruction of justice should suffer.

I'm not surprised, really. And that's what bothers me: I've come to expect the worst from the president of my country, and little better from my government. And it bothers me that whatever I think - or whatever any other citizen or activist group says, or whatever empty rhetoric any politician coughs up - doesn't mean anything.

Not a damn thing.

Image: Associated Press